Required Swaer Young Thing: "There is a rat in my room."
Blasd Hotel Clerk: "Make him come down and register.
Golden Rule foun doctor's out here with a flat cordingly." ordered the "That's the way he does, Second Shot 'A movie-company filming a pseudo primeval jungle in the wilds of effete California hed to rewake a whole scene when the "rushes" showed the heroine reclining against a tree mark= ed with the initials "HL.C.L."
Cause of a Riot Nexcuwoun: "What was all the dif-Aeully at your house last night?"
Mrs. Boarder: "One of my board-Jers was kind enough to tell me where Teould buy chicken necks for 8 cents pound—and the others set up a yell Secret 'A connEsroNvENt refuses absolutely fonameasmall village involved in the following story: From an asylum ye inmates escaped, and inside of two hours authorities in the village had rounded up thirteen people and returned them to the institution, Prescription "wiz, do you take for your In-
"A, lass of wine at regular Inter-
Does that make you sleep!
No, but it makes me satiated to stay awake."
Wrong Patient Dr. H. M. Helntz of Toledo awake ened from " peaceful nap by a police rescue-aquod trying to administer artificial respiration, had a hard time convincing them he wasn't the heat prostration victim they had been called to treat.
Double-X funny thing," said Peck, "they say in this book that a bachelor is aman who has been crossed. 2
1 "and a married man, it one who has been double-crossed."
Select 'AS a coloured doorman ran down fo open the limousine door, tipped and' riled: down "the a four steps
cried the club manager. "They!
ror haves sake be careful think you're a member."
Hopeful Candidate.
Risine Slatesman—It lis me with pleasure not unmixed with awe when T stand here and see before me such a dense throng assembled to listen to my words, Volce—Maybe we're not that dense, Modern Vistror—"How old are you, sonny?"
Boston Boy—"That's hard' to. say, sir, "According to my latest school tests, T have a psychological age and a "moral age 10, Anatomically, I'm 7 mentally, 1'm 9. But T suppose you refer to my chronological age. That's 8—but nobody pays any attention to that these Accurate 'A Grnotan professo® has invented a new instrument for the determina tion of extremely small periods of time, and we understand the machine fg so accurate It can actually measure the infinitesimal interval that elaps between the instant when the sgn turns green and the motorist. behind you starts to honk his horn, "Nobody Home"
Pouicenan's evidence In a drunk enners case at Tottenham:
"T saw him with one arm round the lamp-post, and with the other he Was knocking' the standard, shouting, 'Open the door and let me in'
"Told him that no one lived there, and he said, You are a lar, There isa ght upstairs:
Albi 1 rtaowen at Quarter Session Won cvited"af then bath tis foun on proving prov but con Wieons that "he waa" ati Brisa ihe me the hel" wes "hilly didn't you say sot" asked tug Sout lrdehin" replied the. sent ay id of penang have thought me a wrong jury asia me, hey mind
Text read from the printed page and cleaned; old type leaves the occasional error.