Altogether, it had been a most unsatisfactory morning. We had been bitterly reproached for fail-to distinguish between Scotch Scottish, thereby demeaning Caledonia inthe eyes of the world. Again, we had alluded to Norwich a "quaint old town," when in isa "quaint old city." Jadmitted the "quaint" and "old, but perversely refused to admit the ity." This led somehow to an! of the tues of King's Lynn, Norfolk, which J—although we know and like the jplace—we professed to believe was the archaic name of some disease, jas is "St. Anthony's fire," for ex-Jample. This put our critic in a rage, Jjust as we intended it should, and retired, muttering dire threats.
The rain was coming down in torrents, as if to mock us for the tiffin appetite we might not sally forth to gratify; and we wandered aimlessly across the corridor into the reporters? room just in. time to witness the termination of the "Mohammedan Reading} Quite an institution and not confined by any means to fe characteristic group of Sikhs at 2 roose end and seated in the sunshine before some tiny divelling on (Carter Road. No, indeed. There is the journalistic variety of the entertainment, in which two take part. One seizes a galley proof while the other fastens upon the viginal "copy." The one with the Proof thereupon proceeds to read Jaload, and becomes so engrossed this as to pay mo heed to the terruptions of him with the copy. The reading is conducted in. the same monotonous tone as is employ.
by the dusky interpreters. Et Koran or, better still, by a parcel Jot school children who are not lover-familiar with the printed word, The Youngest Reporter (in point lot service) who had been listening! to the droning account of the fuct: [nations of Hopalong Gobang Rubber Shares, smiled brightly at our advent and suggested getting a bite to eat, stipulating only that would have to be in a hurry" the had an important engagement. To this we readily agreed, at the same time explaining that we knew of no place in all Shanghai where one may be served in a hurry, unless i be with a writ. He smiled knowingly, and said he would lead the way. This he did, at apace with which we could barely keep wp, and we soon arrive establishment which, under another name, had been very fami jar to us a decade or more ago, lout has since been "done over" in the Empire style, or rather the [Pootung conception of this, with the result that it closely resembles the upholstered ticking which lines a pantectmicon.
"sandwiches and a whiskey will be the quickest," said our colleague. We moved to amend the "will" to read "would," whereupon he_beckon-fed the high' priest of the temple of] eats to approach, and stated our re-Jquirement. This fumetionary view fed Us, ashest, Never in the history fof local gastronomy had he been 0 affronted, Sandwiches? It we called again a week from that day was barely possible that they would be prepared; but no guarantee could be given. Tifin, however, was ready. Would we not have tifin? We glanced over the mena and emphatically spurned tiff, Just then por colleague had an in spriation, "Let_us have a steak; proposed. You ace, he is one of these logical people.' He started four with sandwiches in mind. Steak begins with the same letter, hhe- next. thought of steak, To be sure, he might have proposed strawberries or sauerkraut; but. he knew that strawberries are finished, and to him sauerkraut is an affront to good taste. So he suggested steak, and steak it was; at least, twas steak we ordered on the solemn undertaking of the high priest that it would be forthcoming immediately.
Seated at table, we talked of many things: of "ships and shoes and sealing wax," and still no steak. We reverted to the earliest days lof China's history and did full justice to the theme. Still no! steak. Next, we projected ourselves; backward. through time, and dis Ported in the company of dinosaurs! And such. Still no steak. We then went another step backward, and] found ourselves emerging. from the primordial ooze. Still no steak. 1 rather a jamp from the primordial ooze to our local law. courts, but, our colleague accomplished with one glance at his watch, Thereafter he uttered remarks! which would tickle a bargee to death, But they did not tickle} the steak. was nowhere near to year them.
Just as we were deciding without tiffin, it appeared in a trio umphal procession headed by the high priest followed by practically. every employee of the establishment, inding the keepers of the ward: robe. There was much sharpening knives and flourishing of forks. The steak, duly carved, was transferred to' plates before us. One glance at it, and we howled in dis may. Summoning the high priest, we explained to him that we were not a member of Captain Whoosis's troupe of trained seals, and that we were nol accustomed to having gobbets of raw food thrown at us while irked as only a sea lion can bark and Mapped our fins in ap: preciation, The contract stipulated that the steak was to be cooked. Would he mind attending to this Tittle detail?
Text read from the printed page and cleaned; old type leaves the occasional error.