Are you engaged in intellectual pursuits, dear Reader? An absurd question! OF course you are, How, otherwise, could you be a reader of this: column? This being nicely settled, here is good news for you, You may be intellectual without losing your hair. This, we admit, sounds like an adjuration to "keep your hair on." But it 1s not crassly intended, Rather plea to be both intellectual "and luxuriously hirsute, Would that ourself, had known in time that it was possible to be both! We quite realize the self-tattery implied by this regt yet, had we but known it in season, no Chinese would dare dub us "the immediately on glimpsing our Senvded pate, Lest your intelleetwality earn for you the came nick> name, we: acquaint you with the good news, although it is not news, strictly speaking." It dates back to 1016. It escaped our notice until: quite recently, however. And suck ideal formula for Shanghai, toot 'A Japanese lady was the inventor. She evolved it on the eve of her "commencement as a massage busi ness," to prove conclusively that her "purport with the Massage are both punctually and earnestly, you may fully rely upon You, dear Reader, may likewise fully rely, upon us in what we are about divulge, Disclaiming the "punctual 1y," we emphasize the "earnestly Now for the, secret, 'The inventress lays down, among, other dicta, that boldness (sic) comes from' fatigue of the brain. Are you bold, dear Reader? Then rest your fevered head a while. Aa you shall see, the Japanese genius was not far out when she said thi: Most interesting of all stricture that "however lady and gentlemans may b massage has good effect on the, health if they are engaged in intellectual pursuits, (The italies are ours.) How keenly reminiscent this. is of overkeen thinkers being shampooed with a brick! It is because of this that we regard the inventress' treatment as' ideally adapted to the Shanghai Mind, In support whereof we might cite many things, but shall content ourself with a fow. To begin with, wa. wax semi-Scriptural Wifen you are next moved to con sider the lilies of the field, consi instead, the amateur purist, as the nattraliste have it). the lilies aforesaid, tolls not, neither does he spin, for judge from his apparent unlimited, leisure for spotting misconstruetions begot of the compositor's, reading a semi-colon as a comma, and for writing one a letter about it, O£ course, his letters are ale ways anonymous, The amateur purist, (oar, Shaighaiensis), being, himself unable to put" three. words of English together coherent ly, and hence fully qualified to criticise his betters, over seeks refuge behind anonymity. Yot stay. Is he anonymous, after all? Thou he sign not his name, nevertheless and in every instance he gives? clue to his identity:—he writes himself a plain ass Now, what is the cure for the amateur purist, (var, Shanghat ensign)? Internal medication? Most. unwise: it would only give him thirst, Ought one reason with him? As well address a stone wall, oF demand of a dead man the price of his coffin! Humour him? Nay, nay, Pauline. He would at ones misconstrue this as adulation, Here is where our Japancse_inventress. of 1915 A.D, comes in. Hers is the correct diagnosis, hers the only sane therapy. The amateur purist, (var. Shanghaiensis), being intel Ieetual" by pursuit, if not by ma ture, is therefore "bold." Massase of: the scalp, is what he wants.
best effected by "holyston= in polishing a ship's deck, ear can be given at the: same time, the treatment is far more effective. But this is only for the ultra-sturdy patient. For the aveargo intellectual, plain massage do. Tt helps them to "keep their hair Here.a doubt assails us. Says. the learned inventress of the sya tem for conserving simultaneously. the hair and the intellect, "I know: that besides massage, there are several other ways of treating di except those of the heac pun Shanghaiensis), sad condition of a1
nothing if not a disease of the head.
When the subtle treatment recommeniled has no effect or, at best, affords only temporary relief, it comes necessary to supplement it, Tu such cases the patient should be-cajoled as far as Museum Road, and thence enticed 10 the premises. next slowly conducted int: room sheltering the very excellent zoological exhibit. Here he li denly thrust into a jar preservative alcohol, th container corked and labeled, "Amatene Purist, (rar, Shangh Poisonous." "The only drawback to this procedure is the fact that, Shanghai boasts no museum large enough to house every specimen, to serve ax a horrid warning to the rising generation.—a.n..r. a
Text read from the printed page and cleaned; old type leaves the occasional error.