A Man dashed up to the bar and yelled, "Gimme a double-header, quick, before the trouble starts!"
The bartender did, and the man drank it, "Gimme another double-header—before the trouble starts!"
The bartender puzzled, did so, but asked, "Before what trouble starts?"
"The trouble that's starting now," the man replied. sadly, "I haven't any money."
Cheaper Food A house-to-house collection was being made on behalf of foreign missions, At one door the collector knocked at, the lady of the house answered and said, after hearing the appeal:
's no use your asking me. I don't approve of foreign missions."
"But surely," persisted the caller, "you know that we are commanded to feed the hungry?"
"I dare say," replied the lady of the house grimly, "but surely we can feed them on something cheaper than missionarii Well, PIL Tell You—I KNOW people often wonder how the producers can get everything in the picture so authentic, I know one producer who wanted to make a hill-billy picture so he went down to Arkansas and stayed with one family back in the mountains for two months.
When he left, he told the old farmer why he had stayed there and he says "I stayed with you because you've got such a perfect hillbilly dialect."
The farmer says, "Well, I ought have—I gave a radio actor a month's board to learn it to, me." "BY Bob Bums No Generals Wanted A TRAVELLER noticed a number of men working in a field and stopped for a chat with the farmer who owned the land, "Most of these men are ex-soldiers," explained the farmer.
"Oh, really!" replied the other, "They are all ates, I suppose?"
Well, as a matter of fact, they aren't," said the farmer "There are one ór two privates, and one of them was a corporal. But one is amajorand one a colonel."
"And are they all good men?"
"Well, the privates are pretty good on the whole, and the corporal isn't bad at al."
"What about the' major?"
Oh, he's only so-so."
And the colonel,,"
"Well," replied the farmer hesitatingly, "I'm not going to say anything against a man who's been a colonel in the Army, but I've made up my mind that, whatever happens, I'm not going to hire any generals!"
Text read from the printed page and cleaned; old type leaves the occasional error.