Fink and Draw A very small boy, on being asked how he had learned to draw so well, replied: "I just fink, and then draw round the fink."
Conversion A LADY when applied to for a subscription io a Society for Converting Jews, said: "No; thank you; they're well off. Let em pay for their own conversion."
St. Valentine "I saw you take his kiss!" "'Tis true." "O modesty!" " "Twas strictly kept: He thought me asleep: at least, I knew He thought I thought he thought I slept." v a x Clever Chap A vouNc man entered the offices of Messrs. Smith, Smith, Smith and Brown, Attorneys, and demanded to see the latter partner of the firm, "Sorry," said the office boy, "Mr. Brown is out, but you can see any of the Mr, Smiths,"
"No, thanks," came the retort, "I want smart lawyer, and any man who can break into an army of Smiths like this chap Brown has done must be devel Audience Wanted "Im gain run fur office," exclaimed Farmer Corntossel, "Or if I can't git nominated fur sheriff or somethin', I'll take the strap for someone who kin,"
"What's the trouble " neigh-inquired the hour, "I can't get my family nor the hired help to pay attention to anything I say, I want to get out and try my luck with a strange crowd,"
Be Careful It was during the "good old days" when pay passenger ships were still plying up and down cur now almost shipping less coast, "Where is the Captain?" asked a young) lady, speaking to a stunch sailor whom she encountered on the promenade deck, "The Captain is forward, miss," explained the sailor, "What of it?" replied the young lady, "this is a pleasure trip, isn't it?" a Disarming I am a "Terrier," says a correspondent, and returning home from H. Q. the other nigħt I boarded my usual train.
With, forced sangfroid I carefully place' my rifle on the rack, took off my. gloves, and, undoing various buttons, produced my bayonet from underneath my coat and placed it with my rifle.
That being accomplished, I sat down to do my crossword. My pencil, however, eluded capture for some time, and when at last 1 pulled it out from an inside pocket a rather breathless voice from the opposite corner re marked: "Lumme, mate I fort you was galli" ter bring aht a ruddy machine-gun!"
Musical (?) Honours Back in 1883, when Queen Victoria was about to open Epping Forest to the public for ever, a number of people had perched themselves in trees bordering the road from Chingford station to get a good view of the procession.
Mounted police, however, cleared them out of the branches—with the exception of one seedy-looking individual ensconced in the fork of an oak. He defied the police—and even a resplendent official in feathered cocked hat who was clearing the route. In answer to this official's threats, the "tree-squater" produced a battered cornet and began playing "My Grandfather's Clock," with variations. 3 Purple with wrath, the official had to leave him there, for the procession was rapidly approaching. When the. carriages drew level with the cornetpiayer he struck up "God Save the Queen" at full blast.
Tue Duke of Edinburgh and Prince Leopold looked up and smiled; but John Brown (the old Queen's famous Scottish attendant) was horror-stricken.
The man in the tree bided his time until the procession passed the King's Oak and disappeared—then he did likewise.
Text read from the printed page and cleaned; old type leaves the occasional error.