March 7.
During the week just past there has been a regular spate of post prandial oratory. There is more to come this week, but those, who are apt to be bored by sleepily listening to speakers after meals, may be comforted by the knowledge that as spring passes into summer the voice of the talker will be heard no more in the land and the somnolent. chewing of the cud will not be accompanied by the vocal reflections of guests of honour and other creatures of that ilk. There are some who, with considerable' enthusiasm, apply the obiter dictum of an admiral, who described the midshipman as the lowest form of animal life in the navy, to the after-dinner' speaker. There are others who regard the creature asa harmless, necessary evil, while' there will yet remain'a few who will urge with all earnestness that after-dinner speaking is an art which should be cultivated. It possible to sympathize with the opinion of all three classes, though this has to be said—a really efficient after-dinner speaker:
a jewel in any community, for he can with hhis eloquence add much to the interest and enjoyment of the proceedings and possibly convey a little instruction. Shanghai has its speakers good, bad and indifferent, but all of them are helped by the fact that the audiences which they address know, and are known by them. They speak for the most] part to what is generally a large family gathering, and there is as a rule a bond of sympathy between speaker and listeners: which makes the task of the former all the: easier. Or, perhaps, all the more difficult. for rarely is there severer critics than one's own friends, from whom the most crushing remark can come after x particularly good. effort "Excellent speech, old man, Never thought you had it in you." A damper that sort is: positively drenching leaving the hearer limp with disappointment that his! personality had never before impressed itself on others as being one of great ability and oratorical adroitness, Profound research into the subject reveals that there are three types of after-dinner: orators. The practised speaker who takes it all in his stride, and, knowing that everything will turn out all right, proceeds to enjoy the menu, having no cares for the future and thoroughly at home with all the eitcumstanees. Such an one is generally good to Tisten, to, though occasionally there are to be found individuals, who, no matter how bad other people may' think them, are reinforced in their own self-satisfaction by complete ignorance of that generally held opinion. They are generally only too anxious to speak, and, as up to the present no method has been found of- painlessly dealing with them,, they continue to inflict themselves upon this unhappy world. Then there is the class to which the making of an after-dinner speech is an event in their lives. Asked to give such a performance they burn the midnight oil, prepare reams of notes and then, when on their fect, facing their audience a merciless oblivion descends upon them and all that they intended to say, the fine periods which they had devised vanish like the night which is gone, and they.are left naked to their enemies. Sometimes amongst this particular species is to be found the type which rising to its feot declares that it comes as a complete surprise t him that he should ever have been called upon to address 50] august an audience, and, then and there, draws a written oration' from his breast pocket which he proceeds to inflict upon his} listeners, This "is the same type which is always reminded of a story, and then proceeds to work off an old chestnut which he has been mulling over for week's past. And finally there is the poor wight who, all unprepared, finds himself suddenly asked to} address the: gathering. Even if possessed! with a ready wit the blight of nervousness comes over him. The brain will not work. the throat goes dry as he realizes with dread that hundreds of critical ears are waiting on his utterances. He generally mumbles a few! platitudes, his voices fades further and further away usitil, realizing he is not getting over, he murmurs something about thanks and the privilege to be present, sinks into his} seat, and, while the audience renders him! some perfunctory applause, wipes a very red) and distressed face.
Shanghai has examples of each of these types, but it is a pleasing fact that during the past week, though there were three important dinners, no oratorical rabbit was] called upon to address any of them. That undoubtedly added greatly to the enjoyment] of all those functions, What are the chief} virtues of the good after-dinner speaker? Most would say brevity and its concomitant, wit. One of the best speakers of the week completely disregarded certain domestic instructions given him not to speak for more than three minutes. The fact that he did was mitigated by the excellent address ho gave, thoroughly in tone with the gathering he was addressing, and it is hoped that this will offset any reproach which may be coming to him as a result of this revelation. Brevity can always be foregone if wit is there, and a humorous speech after a heavy dinner is a better digestif than all the rolling] periods of ciceronian oratory. After all, for a number of reasons, this world should never! be taken too seriously, and most certainly of after a good meal when the time has come for body and brain to relax for a moment. Fortunately after-dinner oratory un art which will never die out. There is no danger that at some future date the toastmaster will merely turn on a gramophone] record or switch on the wireless to entertain the guests with a few kind words. Thal! cannot be done, and those who take post gustatory oratory in their stride will still be! able to show off their paces before admiring. throngs; the bore will still inflict himself upon' his audiences, while the rabbit will continue' to twitch his nervous ears as he has dono' in the past. 'They are the martyrs of the system of public dining, though even they' have some comfort in knowing that if while striving to speak they are suffering their hearers are not much less uncomfortable,
Text read from the printed page and cleaned; old type leaves the occasional error.