Dunne a history class the teacher asked, "What happened in 1483?"
"Luther was born," answered a student promptly.
"Correct! What happened in 1487?"
After a long -pause, "Luther was four years old."
Coined "Now, boys;" said the teacher, want you to bear in mind thatthe affix stan' means the place of Thus we have Afghanistan, the place of the Arghans. Can anyone give me another example?
Nobody seemed anxious to do so until litle Jimmy said, proudly—"Yes, sir, I can. Umbrellastan, the place of umbreliast"
A Dead Cert Wrnwess (a jockey): 1 saw the car coming at 40 miles an hour, Counsel for: defendant: You're a jockey, and you know more about the speed of race horses than you do Cutting Do you know, dear, Dobson, "my husband says T look ten years younger in this hat?
"Really!" replied Mrs. Hobson, how old are you?"
Well, how do you know the sear was doing 40 mp.h.? Dia you ever see a horse doing 40?
Witness (looking, thoughtful): No, but when I'do, I'm having a few bob on him, Retort Courteous Pouiceman at West Hartlepool: asked him to stop his noise, and his reply was 'Good-night, darling'."
Twene wag a darts championship in progress at the local inn, and everyone was watching the game intently, with the exception of one old man, who was peacefully reading his 'Suddenly, one of the darts glanced off the board and flicked past the old man, pinning his paper to the table. In his excitement, he knocked over' his glass, and looking round with a pained expression, sai
again!"
Blimey! H's the battle et "Astings The Cursing Cleric Tux bishop had been salmon fish ing in the Highlands, when two ghillies were heard subsequently discussing his merits, and one of them remarked: nice gentleman, he ut he swears something dread-exclaimed the other, ud him a bishop?"
'Ay," said the first. "A salmon started to rise, and T asked him: shall I row after that—tush, my' lord?" And he said: 'Yes, do'!" difference said the great man, "I woke up one morning and found myself famous."
"It was slightly different with mo," sighed the other. "I found myself famous—and then I woke up."
Proof of Something ors your bride know anything about cocking?" asked the old friend, meeting a recent groom.
"Well," he grinned, "I heard her calling up her mother the other day to ask if she had to use soft water for soft-bolled eggs and hard water for the hard-boiled ones'
Retort Dignified Re you sure I have pneumonia anxious patient asked a physician.
have heard that doctors some: times give wrong diagnoses, and have treated patients for pneumonia who afterwares died of typhoid fever."
'i've been woefully misinformed," replied the medico indignantly. "If I treat a man for pneumonia, he dies of pneumonia,"
Life—And One Year admit that your luck is in), Then suddenly I saw a large Praying Mantis go zooming over the water lik, an overloaded mail-plane: in mid-stream it paused in the air and landed.... Plopl....like any stout old party attempting a high dive: my first thought was that T was about fo see that wonderful sight (vouched for by more than one Hable observer) of a Praying Mantis 'A. 50-year-old man was sentenced to life imprisonment for murder at Banska Bystrica.
He appealed against the sentence and asked to be condemned to death.
The court of appeal confirmed the sentence of imprisonment for life—fand as new and aggravating circum ances of the murder had come to ght they added another year to the drowning itself deliberately in deep water because it is preyed upon by some deadly parasite. But nol Mrs Marftis struck out strongly like any dame accustomed to the water: head and neck held erect, she paddled with her fore-paws and swam froglike with her powerful hind-legs. a perfect example of the breast-stroke really well done: arrived at the opposite bank she landed on patch of duck-weed, crawled up a reedstalk and, after drying her wings in the sun, took to the air again. Three times I saw this process repeated until 1 began to realize that it was obviously due to design and not to accident. Is it not at least probable that the mother Mantis has some parasite which can only be got rid of by a plunge into the wates (Extract from "The Insect Society News"): "Mrs. Praying-Mantis, popular society hostess, having recently eaten up two or three of her latest husbands, is looking plump and well: she is at present enjoying the bathing fon the Zo-ce Rivera."
Poor Porter!
As the guest was leaving the hotel he slipped a shilling into the hall-porter's hand.
"Here's something to drink my health with," he said.
The porter grimaced.
"Thank you, sir," he said, "but I remember rightly you gave me five shillings last year for the same thing."
"That's right," smiled the guest, but this year my health is better."
Always Needed Peaty and Bobbie were twins and had both been told that they must write letters of thanks for the birthday gifts they had received, Betty sat down and quickly wrote:
"Thank you s0 much for the fountain pen. it's what T've always need~
Meanwhile Bobbie was chewing the end of his penholder for inspiration. As his sister inid aside her first letter, bevsurreptitiously glanced at it, Then Thank you so much for the cakes of soap, They're what I've always
Text read from the printed page and cleaned; old type leaves the occasional error.