Aye netis that gnu-spelling is razing its butiftle hed again. As phar as I am consearned, I wood just as sune go on using the old spelling, but I cannot afford to appete old fashund, bekaws if the jung peepul and the hibrowze ounce susspekt that I am behind the times, they will snout with derishan, Optimist A negro applied for a job at a munitions factory. The manager asked him his name, and then said: "Where would you like the remains sent!
"The remains?"
"Yes, if you get blown up."
Don't yo' bother about de remains, Boss; Fse gwine to take em with me right now.
Gunsmith years ago an Irishman from Country y went hop-picking in Kent. When passing through Woolwich he met a friend who worked in the Arsenal, and w: round, On his return home he saw. Sure, he replied, "and it was a wonderful sight. They took a long hole, and poured some l all round it, to make a gunj'
Tum-Tum Measures eater of the Hula Hula is going to the Sahara for fresh inspiration. She wants to find out all about the "twisting, wigglin: native dancers and thei pret the result to the taste of American he great public."—News item.
In the heart of the Sahara, where a sort of rough tiara Clamps the headdress of the native to his head, And, in desert of oasis, each residing beauty's face is Quite as closely curtained as an ancient bed; Where the grunting of the camel, straining ropes which check and trammel, Makes a nerve-corroding nocturne to the moon—There Miss Gilda Gray is going to observe the local showing Of those dances with a tummy-twisting tune, Sweet Mal-ala, how bewitching we considered you when twitching Your abdominal expanses in the dance To the rapid rhythmic clashing of our knives, and to the flashing Of the grins of us enraptured our stance, But, Mal-ala, I am fearful of th etui and the earful Which Miss Qj may take away beneath her hat; How I hope your little tummy won't provide her with a rummy Ball-room version—for I couldn't stomach that.
—By F. G. H. Salusbury in the "Daily Herald,"
Text read from the printed page and cleaned; old type leaves the occasional error.