Ina railway station the other day attention was attracted by a school boy standing near a locomotive, smearing his face with some dirty being asked to explain his strange conduct, the boy replied, "There's a couple of aunts of mine down the platform waiting to kiss me food-bye, and I'm making my face dirty that they won't dare risk Useless WxeN a coloured preacher said to Brother Jones that he should give a small donation for a fence around the cemetery, what did Jones say?
id, "T don't see no use in fence cemetery. Dem what's in isn't get out, and them what's 'The Reason 'Tne liner passengers were playing all Kinds of games to amuse' them-Selves. An oflleer approached one passenger and sald:—"We are going to have a race ber tween married and unmarried men. You are married, aren't you, sir?"
"No," replied the passenger; "L seasici—that's why I look like that."
Squashed 'A Lapy was sitting for an artist, and Kept up an endless chatier. During a Full, the artist ventured: "We had boiled mutton and caper sauce for dinner last night."
"What an extraordinary thing to remarked the: sitter.
res, I know it is, but it's Just as food as anything you've said for the last two hours."
"To Fit the Crime"
A stony is told of an old-time parson who had a living in the West End of London. He was credited with being particularly fond of the good things of life. When he went out to dinner, if the table had a beautiful damask cloth on it, with champagne-glasses, ete, he used to commence grace' with the words "Bounteous Jehovah On the other hand, if it was a table with only tumblers and shorry-880s, his opening was: "For these the least of all thy blessing Resourceful Twe young constable was under visite a phrenologist to-day and had my, bumps read," Bootle told hit ented me on the of a head with razor=like going the viva voce part of his|ai examination. "Now. assume," said "Did he explain what he meant the examiner, "hat you are accosted his wife asked quietly, by a charming young lady late one "Well, no replied Bootle, "but evening, who tells you that a strange gathered he'd noticed that keen edg man has embraced and kissed her. of my ready wit and my clean-cut What would you do?" thods of reasoning."
The young constable did not hesi-"H'm!" she murmur It he tate long. "I should—er—endeavour knew you as I do, he'd "probably to reconstruct the crime with the consider your head hollow ground." young lady's assistance," he replied.
Hospitable Life on the Ocean Wave A West End comedian went to one Hexe's one Preston Foster insists of the big London hospitals to give actually happened: Tacttul and dean hour's "entertainment to the licate was the reply made by the patients. When he had finished Hollywood-bound French film' star said he' must dash away at once to who had not found "life on the ocean change for hig show at the theatre.
rave" all for which come," said the senior stir-She was sinking, pal geon, "you've been very kind into her steamer' chair when her and we'd like you to have at least a neighbour cheerily asked whisky and soda before you "Have you breakfasted, madem-"Tm afraid 1 haven't line, thanks." olselle?"
"Well, a cigar, then?
with a wan smile, "I have not break-"Ne ur," answered the actress "No, thanks, really."
"Oh, hang it, you must have some-fasted, "On the contrary." thing with us,' Have a leg off."
Text read from the printed page and cleaned; old type leaves the occasional error.