Burotar Bill's bride was unhappy, "Bill" she said, as he started out for the evening's work, "try and be more quiet when you come in tonight."
"Certainly," replied the husband, "Did I wake you last night?"
"No, but you woke mother, and I don't want her to think I married an amateur!"
A Slip and a Difference Thk head of the firm was frowning over a letter. Calling for his chief clerk he sdid:
"That typist—you certainly didn't engage her on account of her gram-ra "Grammar?" said the other. "When! you were emphasizing the importance of grammar—well—I thought you said glamour't"
Going Blind A suomr-sighted old man went to choose. a pair of spectacles.
"These glasses," he said, "are not strong enough for me."
"But, sir, they are No. 2," replied the assistant.
"What is next to No. 2?"
And after that?
"After No. 1, si dog." you will want a Well, TU Tell You—
ANYTIME you find somebody owing money to somebody else, you have en embarrassing situation. Sometimes people will forget that they owe you money and if you don't remind em of it, you'll never-get it, but if you come right out and ask "er for it bluntly, they resent it and you've made an enemy.
I think the cleverest man at hand-lin' this delicate subject was my Uncle Sanky. He seta publish a paper down home and when some of lis subscribers got behind in their subscriptions. he tiggered out a way, of reminding' em of it without hurting' their foehn's. He came out with a little article in his editorial column that read:
There is a small matter that Some of our. Subscriber$ have forgotten. To us its important. Its necessary in cur bu$ine$$. We are very modest and don't like {o speak about such things.
Sincerly. yours, Sanky, publisher.—By Bob Burns.
Warning To Women RuwNING the eagle eye up and down the small ad. columns in search. of fun and laughter I was astonished &t the increasing number of end reserved young ladies want to meet "all, refined gentlemen" for "genuine companionship.'
You may think I'm cynical. Perhaps I am, Tye a nasty twist to my nature that's got to come out sometimes, Otherwise I should burst. I know I should.
Anyway, I bat it impossible to believe that these quiet, reserved gentlemen 3 young ladies want to meet refined They KO ow the outer trappings of refinement, the bowler hat, the white slip under the waisteost. the spats—but as I am sure the quiet and reserved young ladies are just raging furnaces beneath their brown knitwear two-pieces and little felt jam pots, I am convinced that they are actually searching for a wild," impetuous lover, a man whose great gusts of laughter will dispel the fears $f frail women, whose arrow Hance and ruthlessness will whirl them out of a drab, polite existence and make the Palais: de Danse seem like a moonlit villa -on the Isle of Capri with no chaperone.
And it is with genuine regret that I feel obliged to warn them that wild, impetuous lovers don't have to answer advertisements.
They are all answerer! by mean. Sneaky. middle-aged men with sandy moustache and concertina trousers.
Text read from the printed page and cleaned; old type leaves the occasional error.