Dizzy Dialogue Bur I asked you to get a new carpet." "Oh! I thought you said get a new car, po For Safety Huesy was leaving on a business trip, and had decided to take three umbrellas with him.
"Why three umbrellas?" asked his wife.
"Well," he replied, "one to leave on the tram, lone to leave in the train, and tke third in case it rains."
Last Straw Sur had been shopping all afternoon, and had piled up her purchases on the none too-willing arms of her husband.
At last she said sweetly, Now John, I think we'll take the train home."
"Good heavens!" exclaimed the exasperated man, "have I got to carry that too?"
Mother Knows Best "I can't see with my gas-mask on, a young man complained to his mother.
"Well soon put that right," she answered briskly. She went away and returned triumphantly with the mask. She had cut two slits for his eyes!
Better Be Prepared AGED seven, he was preparing to be evacuated. His mother was checking over the contents of his rucksack, To her amazement, she found his father's razor there. And this was his explanation:
"Dad the war may go on for years and years, and I don't want to be going round with whiskers when I'm 21, We're All Human DvmmNc London's third air-raid warning, the people in this district were hurrying to the local public shelter, But as we arrived we found a pathetic little warden standing outside the entrance, shaking his head sadly and saying. "I'm very sorry. I've lost the key In the Swim A SMALL girl evacuee was billeted in the well-ped house of a doctor and his wife.
She was given a room with all sorts of modern conveniences, including running hot rá cold water, When all the children were collected together next morning, she was asked by the teacher, "Do you like your new home?"
"Oh, ye: But—fve got a funny bedroom. It's got a sink."
Sense of Humour Ir was a long, tiring morning at an RAF. training depot. There was still nearly an hour's more drill to go, when a recruit was called out of his squad by the corporal and told to take command.
He spent a few minutes going through the usual stuff—"Right turn.... Left turn.... Quick march..." Then suddenly he said, "Squad, dismiss." He was promptly obeyed.
Fortunately the corporal had a sense of humour and the "rookie" is now a sort of hero.
Only Thing That Mattered Tui sub-ofücer was away from the local Auxiliary Fire-station when some Big Chiefs arrived and ordered fire drill.
The "acting-sub," a merry little Cockney, was he only trained man in the station. To add to his difficulties he was understaffed.
He had to do practically everything himself, and when the pump was started, with over 70lb. pressure, one man had to stagger about at the nozzle taking all the strain, In fear and trembling the acting-sub awaited he verdict of the Chief. But the only comment was, "Drill not bad, but see that your men wear heir gas-masks future.'
Revenge is Sweet Aw anti-aircraft unit is stationed in Surrey on land across which there runs a footpath normally open to the public, This footpath is now closed, One day a sergeant on duty saw a very well-dressed, pompous individual start to use this forbidden path. Instead of telling him politely that the path was now closed, he proceeded to use some pointed parade-ground language, When it was all over, some of his comrades asked him what had made him so severe.
He replied, "Before the war that bloke was my boss. He stopped my rise two years running and finally sacked me. I've been waiting for months to tell him just where he gets off."
New Use for Bulls A raniner suddenly came on a party of Royal Engineers, elaborately surveying his land. In anger, he asked them what they thought they were doing.
A somewhat high-handed young lieutenant airily produced the usual "Blue Paper" for the farmer's inspection, The farmer walked away and the young lieutenant, pretty pleased with himself, carried on. Suddenly his attention was called to a ferocious bull which was charging headlong at him, He and his men took to their heels and disappeared over the nearest hedge. To console himself for having let them escape, the bull mashed up all their instruments, The lieutenant, peering anxiously round, sighted the farmer, who was watching the whole scene with evident delight, and pleaded with nim to drive the bull away.
"Show him the Blue Paper, man. Show him the Blue paper," was all that farmer would say.
Text read from the printed page and cleaned; old type leaves the occasional error.