Aw officer was giving a squad of recruits a few hints on what to do when they got into the fighting-line.
"You," he said to "Sapphire" Green, who was as rough in speech as he was in looks. "What would you do if an enemy lunged at you with a bayonet?"
"Stick him," said "Sapphire."
"Yes, 1 know—but how?"
"Parry, and sock him with me skewer," "Sapphire."
"Don't you know how to say sir'?"
"Yes."
"Don't be afraid to say it, then," said the officer sarcastically. "Fear isn't a part of soldier's make-up. Have you ever experienced fear?
"No what?"
"No—fear," said "Sapphire."
Senator Soaper Says—Wars and world events continue to infuence dress materials and styles, and all this plain speaking at Prague may lead to loud Czechs.
A thought here for all magazine artists, toiling on Christmas covers through the summer heat, and for city fathers, now scanning bids for snow removal.
"What," asks a noonday orator, "is more genuinely satisfying than a tie between father and son?" Two ties—if father wishes to be completely dressed.
We sneered at press shots from overseas, showing whole populations in gas masks. We didn't realize that over here a political campaign was getting ripe.
Heard in the Court Counset: What was the cause of this quarrel?
Wife: My husband told me that he was to play cricket, so I tried to oil his clubs for him.
Housewife: I called to. see her about a broom she had borrowed. She said she hadn't got it, and if I didn't clear off she would throw it at me.
Husband: My wife does her best to turn the children against me. Once I heard her telling them it was me who keeps them out of the workhouse.
Another Husband: I don't know what my wife means by "Two-faced." If she means I'm leading a double life it's not true; I don't have time.
Wife: I rang my husband up at the office. They told me he had gone out for ten minutes half an hour ago, and wouldn't be back for an hour.
Solicitor: "Wher' you saw the man running were you not curious?" "Women are never curio ous."
Spouse: I always beat my wife when I get home after midnight—but only by about 20 minutes,
Text read from the printed page and cleaned; old type leaves the occasional error.