The Montevideo Engagement SpeE Ajax Achilles ExeTer Planting Time Wire (sorrowfully): "Ive just received a letter from mother, she says she is feeling seedy."
Husband (with a grunt): "I suppose that means she is going to plant herself on us."
No Cat, He Tne little boy in the country had revelled in the country mud, but when he was asked why he had not washed, he replied "cos there was no soap or towel in the bathroom." "But you've a tongue in your head," remonstrated his hostess. "Yus lady," he replied, "but I aint no blinking cat."
Calculate AN Englishman out walking in the Highlands entered a farmhouse to ask the time. Noticing an old grandfather clock he said "Surely your clock is wrong." "Naething wrong wi it" answered the farmer. "It's you that does na' understand it. When the wee baun's straight up and the big baun's straight doon it strikes ten, but the richt time's five o'clock. After that we've nothin' to do but calculate."
Text read from the printed page and cleaned; old type leaves the occasional error.