A share-pusher is a ploughman.
Two crochets make a Quaker.
Herrings swim about the sea in shawls.
A centimetre is an insect with a hundred legs.
A sculptor is a man who makes faces and busts.
Tur inhabitants of Mosquitoes.
Moscow are called Stottle Bink FLAMBOROUGH Parish Council wants to name a new housing estate Stottle Bink, but Bridlington Rural Council refuses to let it.
Come, citizens of Flamborough, The day of glory's here!
Arise, nor care a damborough For those who rudely jeer! Proclaim your will for Stottle Bink "Gainst those of foreign parts! Though foes may call it Bottle Stink, It's graven on your hearts!
Loud let the urgent call to arms Fan feeling into flame!
So Stottle Bink, with all its charms, May find its ancient fame! Absurd to wonder what'll stink In nostrils wan and weak! Insist on having Stottle Bink; And blow their chudely reek!
—By F. G. H. Salusbury in the "Daily Herald."
Patent Fly Trap response to numerous requests, I have decided to make public the plans of the Formby ("Sunday Express") Patent Fly Trap, which last summer trapped fifteen flies, four bluebottles, and two of little Albert's fingers.
I am now at work on a larger model with which I hope to trap more of little Albert's fingers.
To make the Formby Fly Trap, you will first have to construct a dummy door, paint on it the word "Pantry," and prop it against a brick wall.
The flies, seeing the word "Pantry," will immediately make a beeline for the door. As they do so, you whip it open and the flies pass through and knock themselves unconscious against the brick wall.
As it is dangerous to follow a wounded fly, you wait outside until they have regained consciousness and start limping out. This is your chance! You stand outside the door and shout, "Paper! Paper! All the winners!"
Now many of these flies may be interested in racing—some of them may even be horseflies—so the first thing they do is to stop and buy a paper.
Here's where you fool them. Instead of selling them a newspaper, you sell them a fly-paper! The sight of their friends plastered all over the front page is more than most flies can stand, and it is then an easy matter to stun them with a sandbag.
Text read from the printed page and cleaned; old type leaves the occasional error.