Iw a raffle a Scotsman took a sixpenny ticket for a pony and trap, which he was lucky enough to win.
Upon receiving the pony and trap, all he did was to walk round surveying them with a gloomy face. At last he exclaimed—"I told ye the whole thing was a swindle!"
"Why, what's the matter?" asked a friend.
"Weel," demanded the Scotsman, "where's the whip?"
A Push "Here, my lad," called the motorist to the petrol station boy, "four gallons, and make it snappy. Put some push into your work. Nothing like push for making.you get on in the world. Push got me where I am today."
"Well" drawled the boy, "if you want to get on any farther you'd better start pushing again. There's no petrol" pra Housework Tur minister advertised for a manservant, Next morning a young man came to see him.
"Can you have breakfast ready for 8 o'clock, wash dishes, keep the house tidy, answer the door?" asked the minister; "I suppose I could," replied the visitor, "But I came here to see about getting married, and if it means that much work, then I'm changing my mind."
Launched A squad of navvies were digging a trench with the help of an excavator. It was wet and cold work, so ihe men "spliced" and sent up Tim, one of their number, for a bottle of whisky to comfort them.
After a time Tim reappeared, holding the precious bottle in his hand, and' prepared to ower himself into the trench.
Alas, his foot slipped, and so did the bottle, which crashed on the side of the excavator.
Amid a silence that was unbearable, one man shouted—"Come on, boys, give Tim a cheer. He's launched the excavator Awkward Moment EJ Mr. Bruce Lockhart in his new book "Guns Or Butter, tells this story of Dr. Colijn, Prime Minister of the Netherlands:
"Perhaps the narrowest escape was when he was sent on the Government-General's yacht to settle a disturbance in Flores. On his way the yacht was wrecked on rocks off the island of Soembawa. In order to obtain help for the others, Colijin stripped and swam ashore through the shark-infested sea. He knew that somewhere on the island was a Dutch military Post, but he had little idea where it was situated, "Making himself a hat and a suit of banana leaves, he wandered for four days through the jungle. At last, half-starved and with his banana-leaf suit in strips, he saw a clearing with a row of neat huts. It was the Dutch -post, and he strode forward joyfully.
His relief soon changed to embarrassment en he found that the Dutch officers were 9ut somewhere on duty and that only the commandants wife was at home.
The lady, however, soón put him at his ease, although she had some difficulty in finding a suit large enough to fit him,"
Text read from the printed page and cleaned; old type leaves the occasional error.