PrArw Brunette: I told Wally what a good cook and housekeeper I was, but even then he didn't propose to me.
Fancy Blonde: You should have another string to your bow.
Plain Brunette: Oh, yeah? What I need is another beau to my string.
Sympathetic Hammerstein Wuen Oscar Hammerstein seemed to be encountering financial difficulties in his grand opera undertaking ¿t the Metropolitan Opera House it was his habit to go to other theatres and console himself for his own trouble by gazing on the spectacle of the empty seats in the other fellow's playhouse.
One night he hied himself over to a theatre where a prominent star was holding forth; Hammerstein began to sympathize with the manager of the star, saying, "Really it is too bad you are not drawing better houses."
"I don't need your sympathy; why there's just $1,200 in this house tonight," said the house manager.
"Whew!" exclaimed Oscar, "that's an honest usher you have here."
"What do you mean?" demanded the manager.
*I mean that if there is $1200 in the house tonight someone has dropped a thousand on the floor"—and Oscar departed in triumph.
Slips of the Press A full charge of shot struck Mr....squarely in the back door of the henhouse.
Peoria (IL) "Star."
"Wanted—A place to show her wares by an antique lady with a Spanish chest and other odd things.—Cold Springs (Ga) "Times,"
One advertisement for a husband brought a Massachusetts woman 19 reptiles. She is still unmarried.—Abilene (Texas) "News"
Both girls riding in the machine which overturned were injured. Miss...was cut about the face and hands and Miss...in the back seat.—Raymond (Wash.) "Herald."
Mrs. Joe...gained compliments from her friends and rather upset Joe when she returned from the barber shop with a boyish boob.—Cottonwood (Neb) "News."
Gronct...had charge of the entertainment during the past year. His birth-provoking antics were always the life of the party and he will be greatly missed.—Willatd- (Ohio) "Times."
Text read from the printed page and cleaned; old type leaves the occasional error.