But what of our hosts, the chartered accountants? I shall never forget that inimitable speech at this dinner last year when Mr. Monk so beautifully described their functions in dealing with the average firm. I always thank God that no accountant, chartered or otherwise, as yet had the right of inspecting my personal; acagunts. I don't wish to suggest that local accountants spend all their time playing games, but I have noticed a remarkable proficiency on the golf course among leading members of this society. Mr. Cleland, the captain of the Hungjao Club, and Mr. Glass are no slouches at the game, believe me. Perhaps the practice of keeping your eye on rows of dull figures helps you to keep it on a miserable little golf ball I have searched the town for some jokes about chartered accountants. Nobody knows any. They just don't begin to compete in that respect with Scotsmen and the legal profession.
When I made a speech at the engineers' dinner, my photograph appeared in the Sunday newspaper doing it, I must have been very nervous, for I had my hands in my pockets, which is not one of my normal habits. One of my American friends mentioned this photograph and told me a story of a dinner in New York, at which the great humorist Mark Twain and the lawyer, Mr. Choate, United States Ambassador to London, both made speeches. Mr. Choate was a tine speaker and always kept his hands in his pockets while ne was speaking. Mark Twain was not always as successful in his oratory as in his books.
But on this occasion he was very amusing, so much so that, when both had finished, Mr, Choate remarked duly "It's nice to meet a professional humorist who succeeds in being funny," But Mark Twain was equal to the occasion, "Yes indeed," he said, "and it's nice to meet a professional lawyer who keeps his hands in his own pockets," Gentlemen, I am told that that story is equally suitable for accountants, Accuracy is, 1 can only suppose, one of the outstanding features of accountancy. One of my friends sold me he once sat next at a dinner at Boston, Mass, (Barston, my friend called it) to the famous statistical expert, Mr. Babson, who can reduce every inoffending impulse of the human race to a statistical formula, My friend was explaining to Mr, Babson, rather superüously I am afraid, the role of statistics in the presentation of accurate record. "And now, Mr, Babson," he asked, "what would you say was the death rate in this great city of Barston?" "The same as in any other city, 1 should say," replied Mr. Babson briefly "One man, one death,"
Accuracy of figures plays indeed a vital part in our simple lives. Perhaps I need not apologize for telling a story of which our Shanghai Dean is very fond, If you do not live in the odour of sanctity as I do, you may not know it. An earnest curate wanted to send a telegraphic message of love and affection across England to his young bride from whom he was temporarily parted, so, without going to the expense of quotation, he telegraphed to her the text" 1 John 4.19" which, you will find if you consult your Bible, reads "Perfect love casteth out fear," Unfortunately for the curate, the telegraphist left out the "one" before the. "John," and the sweet young woman looked up {he text, only to find Thou hast had seven husbands, and he whom thou now hast is not thine husband but another's,"
Text read from the printed page and cleaned; old type leaves the occasional error.