An American optician was instructing his son in the technique of getting a fair and honest price out of a customer. He said, "Son, after you have fitted the glasses to a customer, and he asks, 'What's the charge?' you should say '$10.' Then pause and watch for the flinch. If the customer does not flinch, you say: "That's for the frames. The lenses will be another $10. Then you pause again—and again you watch for the finch. If he doesn't flinch, you si 'Each'
Ancient Tue new jockey mounted the 200-to-1 shot in the paddock just before the race. Once in the saddle he looked round for his whip, He turned to the trainer.
"Do you mind getting my whip?" he requested. "It's over there in the corner."
The trainer didn't budge. "'Whip'?" he echoed.
The jockey frowned impatiently.
Stop acting dumb," he growled. "I said whip.
The trainer shook his head. "What good is a whip?" he cried sadly. "The last jockey threatened this horse with a gun, and even that didn't do any good!"
King Hitler's Englisch Broadcast German reports assert that Britain will be crushed and the Nazis will soon be in England. Hitler will be crowned king, and we have secured the text for his first broadcast; here it ist This ist de Londonsender from der B.B.C.
Funkhaus. You are about to hear der King Emperor, Hiss Majesty King Adolf der First (rustling of papers and guttural coughs)
Mein English it may not be quite B.B.C., but dat doesn't matter a' pfennig to me. I am Adolf der First, Und I don't care a jot, If my accents der worst, It's (King's English—so vot?
I schpeak to you all, as der Fuehrer und King, Vot joy und vot blessings to Britain I bring. Der Dachschund forgives All der crimes of der war, Und der Bulldog receives A good shake of der paw!
Ein Blitz Coronation in hand I have put, Mit sceptre und crown vot a figure I'll cut, Und mit Munich in mind, In case anything drops—There'll be Himmler behind Mit a few of his cops!
Und so down der Strand to der Bank I
Mit Goering, Got bless him, pressed close to my side, We vill pinch all der gold Und der staff we vill shoot, Und return to der fold Mit der waggons of loot Mein Gauleiters, Churchill und Eden und Hoare, Vill be purged if there's any more talk about war, Der great Treaty is signed, Und to end der distress I am kaying behind Little Goebells und Hess.
So all mein Dominions over der seas, Und England und Scotland, go down on your knees, Be content mit your lot, For der die it is cast, Dank de Fuehrer und Gott, You Are Nazis at Last.
Ve vill now sing Rule Germania, Germania rules de slaves.
Text read from the printed page and cleaned; old type leaves the occasional error.