Bump Bumpetty-bump Lurch! Well The Municipal Council need not always exercise its conglomerate intelligence ov such weighty matters as the compulsory purchase of a new Town Hall, Bump! Perhaps they are still in mourning over Municipal 'Trading, not lost but goue—bump! Even the most feeble-minded frivoller could not have theheartto quote: What ho! She—lurch! Such' "trifles make the sum of human things, and half our misery"—oh these riesha springs! This is not the Bridge of Sighs. It is the Bridge of—(bump)—Groans, and even the Hood of the ricsha complains of it. How well Horatius kept his bridge in the brave days of old. Wish Horatius had been in charge of the Shanghai Engineering Department. " By the rude bridge that arched the flood," this rude erection must have antedated the Flood. (Bump!) I would write to the Council about it; but that they would (Lurch!) probably reply: "What business had I in Hongkew?" Is it truth the poet sings, "that a sorrow's crown of sorrow remembering happier things" The bridges in Japan, now! Those planks laid diagonally, instead of like these, squarely transversely and infernally loppy thought! I will write. to the "North-China Herald" about it. It's enough to drive one (Bump!) crash. What shall I say? "Dear Mr. Editor.—Do you play Bridge? Please play thi bridge for all you are worth, and have: i attended to; and we'll all pledge yourn a Bumper.
Yours truly, Jolted to Incoherence."
(Lurch!) That hole in the plank, there! Look out!
Just missed it. (Lurch!) Happy thought all the councillors to a riesha commend them to study the Scien Bumpology And Addison's famous essay on the Vision of a bridge with holes mit, through which passengers dropped. (Bump!) Another happy thought Far from my desire to pick holes in your esteemed bridge, but——." Say something utch about it. Still happier thought! Cross that out. Too feeble. Second thoughts are best. But the Garden Bridge is really a (Bump, bump terror, isn't it?
Text read from the printed page and cleaned; old type leaves the occasional error.