Yours Wite (returning to village after runaway match): "I suppose my dopement was a nine days' wonder?"
"Village Worthy: "It would ave bin, mum, only Buggins's dog went mad the same night."
The Reason Why 2
Hiss wife was vigorously powdering her face before going out.
"Why do you go toall that trouble?" asked her hubby who was waiting impatiently.
"Modesty, my dear, was the reply.
"Modesty?"
"Yes. T've no desire to shine in The Truth "You ungrateful Uttle worm!" eried exasperated wife, 'wAtter all T've done for you! Where would "you be now if it Wasn't for mer"
"Having a tively evening at the Pie and Whistle came the timid reply.
Och, the Stupid 'Ax Irlshman's attic caught fire, and his wife, running for the neares' ralable witer, ante the kettle from the fireplace, On ber way up the stairs she war met by Paddy. He stared aghast at] the. kettle In her, hand.
"Mrs, O'Grady," he said sadly' "put 'i's a regular fool ye are an' all. Fancy trying to put out a fire with hot water!"
The Right Iden Now, Tommy," said the teacher in fa scripture lesson, "suppose another boy struck you on the right cheek. What would you do?"
"Give him. the other cheek atrtke," said Tommy promptly, with pious smile, The teacher beamed. "That's very 'bood"" she replied. "Yes," said Tommy, with' great heat, "and then it he hit me Td pretty well paralyse him, The Dear Old Vicar A cextarw couple in the village had "drifted apart." They were hardly fever seen together, until at last the vicar took the matter in hand, and by his wise reasoning with them effected Dignified Retort Panis is a good spot for a sche-muzzle, especially for the American woman who knows little French Is not tactful in tipping her taxl-
The driver got out of his machine and said one or two things about the 25 centimes he had received.
"The American understood litre, but gathered from the driver's tone of voice that it was hardly a declaration of love he was making. He paused to find the right adjective when the American drew herself with dignity and snorted: "Oh, Jo Fair Exchange He leaned over the garden fence and beckoned to his neighbour, "Tsay, old man," he said. "T under~ stand that you have Brown's rake?"
The neighbour nodded.
"Good," said the first. "If you'll let me borrow that occasionally, T'l let 79u use his roller whenever You want An Omission wart to return this book T bought yesterday, Stories for All Oc. ccesions,'" announced the irate customer.
"What's wrong with i?" inquired the shop assistant.
"Why, it's a fake; it's Incomplete! There's nothing there for a man to tell his wife when he gets home at two o'clock in the morning"
The village was pleased at the new state of affairs, and even more pleased when a little later the news got round old Indy was highly so glad," she said, "so very glad! And to think that It' was all the dear vicar's doing!"
Lowering Rot pay the bills Gudge Fine beld that Tea wite did pot obey, her husband might chastise her, and'dismissed the case.
Merely another case of a "Dante! come to judgment."
A Scorrisn landowner was giving a ye Instructions that a magnificent repast Josh Billings Again Manny for love may be a little risky, but it Is so honest that God cannot help but smile at It. one of them tured to the other and whisper "Tsay, Sandy, T wonder when the whisky is comin' roond? These foreign, mineral waters are very Tower!
Text read from the printed page and cleaned; old type leaves the occasional error.