ALMOST every paper you pick up nowadays has got some article in it on how to keep this country out of war. I don't believe we'd ever have any wars if all the countries would call iheir spies home. No matter how innocent you are, if you keep your ears open, you're genua hear somebody say something that will get you excited.
One day Í went over to see my Aunt Sophie and she was jest burning up. She says "That Mrs. Jones told Sue Perkins that I was a sneak and that I was always prin' into other people's affairs" I says "Well, how do you know shed said it?" and Aunt Sophie says "I heard em talking' on the party line—I always listen in when them two cats are talkin'"—By Bob Burns.
The Sparrow Puts His Foot Down Tue Sparrow came home fiom the Treetops Club and was irritated to find his wife still sitting on her eggs.
"Can' you get off those blasted eggs for a little while?" he asked.
"You know perfectly well I can't" said his wife, settling herself more firmly on ihe cluster.
"It wouldn't be so bad if you didn't look such a fool," said the Sparrow, "Sitting and staring, aitting and staring. What are you staring at?
"Nothing," said his wife.
"What are you thinking of?" asked the Sparrow.
"Nothing," said his wife.
"What fun," sneered the Sparrow. "Staring nothing and thinking of nothing. Can't you read or knit or work out a crossword puzzle or sing a song?"
^I don't want to sing a song," said his wife.
"You get on my nerve: said the Sparrow.
"Perhaps you'd like to sit on the eggs yourself for a little while," said his wife.
"Catch me," said the Sparrow.
"Other sparrows do," said his wife.
"Other sparrows do a lot of damn silly things."
"I could get your supper if you did," said his wife.
"I had it at the club," said the Sparrow. "When will they be hatched?" said his wife. mimicked the Sparrow. "You are at nothing, think of nothing, and don't now anything, You might as well be dead."
you'd care," said his wife.
"I dare say the eggs ure addled, anyway," asked the Sparrow.
"I just know," said his wife.
"No you don't," said the Sparrow, "it would be just like you to sit for a week on addled eggs.
"They're not addled," said his wife, tears starting in her beady eyes.
"All right, they're not addled," said the Sparrow.
"They're three boys and two girl sobbed his wife.
"Five more mouths to feed," said the Sparrow. "That means the older children will have to go." "What?" said his wife.
"I said the older children will have to go," said the Sparrow.
"You can't turn them out" said his wife.
"Can't I?" asked the Sparrow.
"They'll starve," said his wife.
"Let em," said the Sparrow. "What do they think this is, a free hotel "It's their home," said his wife.
"Not any more" said the Sparrow. "From now on they can find their own worms, build their own nests and stew in their own juice. Tm not spending the rest of my life providing for a lot of lounging loafers."
"You're wicked," sobbed his wife.
"Better than being stupid," said the Sparrow as he flew back to the club—Gubbins in the "Sunday Express."
Text read from the printed page and cleaned; old type leaves the occasional error.