Promotion Teacher; "Spell "chimney."
Pupil: "C-h-i-m-n-e-y."
Teacher: "Very good, Go up one."
Diplomacy Mr. Winston Churchill is credited with the following definition of a Parliamentary candidate:
"A man who is asked to stand wants to sit and is expected to lie." vtt A Certainty 'A vourHFUL-looking candidate at a General Election, on rising to address a meeting, was greeted with the question, "Does your mother know you're out?" "Yes," replied the candidate, "and when the results are out, shell know [riy in."
Matter of Dress A tary of recently acquired wealth was discussing with an artist the portrait.of herself which she had asked him to paint.
"Shall I paint you in evening dress?" the artist enquired.
"Qh, no," replied the lady, "don't make any fuss at all—just wear your overalls."
Sea Note Dunino the storm themata ordered Sandy to go out on the bowsprit. Sandy refused.
"Don't you know," growled the you signed to sail before- the "Oh, ay, sir," replied Sandy. "I signed to sail before the mast, but no' before the ship.
Per Pro Tue message boy wás new. and when they sent him to deliver his first parcel, they gave him express instructions that he had not to part with the package without getting a signature:
When he returned, the manager inspected his delivery book, and noticed that it was signed with the lad's own name, "What's this?" he asked sharply. "This is your own name."
"Oh, that's all right." returned the youth reassuringly. "The old lady had left her glasses upstairs, so I had to sign for her."
Says Mr. Peppercorn Waen women talk on the phone they don't seem able to stop—they always want "another three minutes please" and can be very upset when they're cut off at the end of a quarter of an hour.
T was waiting outside a call box the other day and a woman inside had taken a long lease of the premises.
When she did come out she found shed left pencil and paper and her glasses, and I had to wait while she collected them.
I got in at last and found her umbrella in one corner and her bag on the'floor and was able to hand them over before she got right away.
It was all through being cut off, she said, and something ought to be done about it. but I didn't hear what, as I was in a hurry and cut her off.
Text read from the printed page and cleaned; old type leaves the occasional error.