Averting Loss Master—"Yes, I hear it knocking.
'Tue Bore: "At cards I win one day' and lose the next."
His Audience: "Well, why don't you play every other day?"
Mournful Fact "is there hot water in your house' ished one small boy of another:
"There is," replied. the other. "And 1 am always in it?"
Sordid Truth Did He Get the Job?
Emptover—"Personal appearance 1s helpful factor in business success.
Employee—"Yes, and business success is a helpful factor in personal appearance."
Bacutton: "I am told that a, married man can live on half tHe In= come that a single man requires."
Married Man: "He hay to, Misunderstood The Handicap "Do you fell your husband every~ io; he won't listen fo me more hour or two at a stretch."
May I have this dance?"
"No, Y'm too danced out.
Why—ab—you're not too, stout; you're just pleasingly plump."
Hopeless Mouton (10 her son)—Tommy, you musin't go.ishing with Peter; he's just getting over the measles.
Tommy—Mother, I never catch anything when I'm fishing.
Affection Moruzr—Well, Jimmy, do you think your teacher likes you?
Jimmy—T think so, Mummy, because she puts a big uss on all my sums.
Deseriptive Teactter—Now, Bobby, I'm going to let you answer one. How would you describe an oyster?
Bobby—T can answer that all right. An oyster is a fish built like @ nut.
Prudence "Lest night as ever I come home and find my wife in Cohen's, arms.
"Didn't you Kill him, Izzy?"
"Dot's my trouble. T can't. Cohen owes me money."
Taking No Risks Tue mistress was giving the new mald, fresh from the country, a list of the household requirements.
There you are, Alice," she said, jand_ then suddenly' remembered an tem she had almost forgotten. "O—er—don't forget we shall want a new Filler for the kitchen, too."
lice stared. vacantly.
Don't you know what a griller is?" asked the other sharp!
[should think 1 do," replied the mald significantly. "It's a big, hairy monkey the size of a man. And it you want one of those in your Kitchen I'm leaving at once."
There's Money in It The Pests "Dw youl know that had taken Careless Reporting Demorr police are holding a man known as the "red necktie bandit," but whether on charges of robbery or of wearing a red necktie the now' report fails to state.
Sign of Recovery "we patient in Number Six keeps calling out "Honk!" said the nursing \h, yes," said the doctor. "A. motorist," "Good! He's evidently rounding the corner."
A Good Answer Mamma—Willio, it is time you were up. The birds were all Jong ago, Willie (crowsily)—Well, if T had to sleep in a nest of sticks and straw Td get up carly too.
Text read from the printed page and cleaned; old type leaves the occasional error.