Mrs. Seeker: Have you any cooks on hand?
Proprietor: Six in the anteroom.
Mrs. Seeker: Please ask them to look me over and see if there is anybody here I might suit.
Down in the Deep "Sue's so common, you know," said the one herring to the other, "both her mother and father were sold for three-ha'pence each, cooked, at a coffee-stall, whereas most of my ancestors have been kippered and sold for thirty bob a pair in a night club."
Four Short Jones had finished the Bogey Competition 14 down and was facing the congratulations of the Clubhouse with a wintry smile. But it was left to Bones to put the tin hat on it.
"Tell me, old man, he said, Why didn't you play the other four holes?" ae Twice Used One of the pupils in an Aberdeen school had been chewing gum during class and the teacher asked him to throw it in the waste-paper basket. The boy was very much perturbed.
"Can I no hae it efter skull, miss?" he asked, "Ma brither only gi'ed it me for the morning."
H E No Such Thought A Scotsman was relating an experience of hardship in the jungle.
"Ammunition, food and whisky had rum out," he said. "We were parched thirst, "Was there no water?" asked a listener.
"Och aye, but it was no time to be thinking of cleanliness," replied the Scot.
Text read from the printed page and cleaned; old type leaves the occasional error.