Ancient Vassar: "Have you seen Jane's engagement ring?"
Smith: "Have I soon it? Why, wore it all last year!"
Sale "Mumaty," asked the small son of the house, "what becomes of a car when it gets too old to run?"
"Oh," replied his mother, "somebody sells it 10 your father."
He Might "I'p like to accept this necklace from you, but I'd better not, for my "You're afraid he wouldn't hear of Enetover—"When do you start your holiday, John?"
John—"Next week, sir."
"Have you secured accommodation?" "Weller—as a. matter of fact, that's what Is worrying me. Can you' accommodate of a five-pound note, sie?"
Cake-Eater "You never scorn to take an me terest in anything I do," sobbed the young wife, "Don't be unreasonable," remonstrated the husband. "I' remained awake all last night wondering what you put In that last cake you made." ave Very Gross A Maw who had recently taken up golf was talking with a number of ced members in the went round in 124 said, said' one Ustener, cour teensly, "Was that net or gross?"
"Well" said the novieg, "Im afraid I don't quite know, but T should imgine that 126 is very gross indent said the stranger, you a resident here es," was the answer. "I've been here solu' on fifty years, What kin T'do for you?" looking for a criminal "Have pretty sure we have, but we can't prove Perspective 'A Jew was negotiating a loan from fis brother, and the latter was will-to make the advance, but deded nine per cent. interest said the borrower, "T ain't complaining, you understand, but What will Our poor dead father say when he tooks down and sees you faking nine per cent, from his own flesh und. blood?"
"Don't worry about that," replied the lender; "from where he is iti look ike six per cent."
Turnabout AN old gardener had a tongue, On one occasion he was told to mow the lawn. he said, "for an inch at the bottom' is worth two at the top."
When the work was done, the gardener was offered a drop of whisky. The employer poured it ut, but showed signs of stopping before he had filled the glass.
"Fill it up, sir," said the gardener. "An inch at the top is worth two at the hatton Tue housewife was showing her prospective now maid over the house. She had been very liberal with her promises of privileges, and it look-fed as though the two were about to come to a working ageeement, Sud-deny the girl said:—"By the way do you do your own stretehin' here, madam?"
"Tr don't understand," said the other.
"Well." explained the gist, "do you put all the food on the table at din-her and stretch for it, or do 1 have shu mme It round?' lanners Maketh Men Aatenicax women have formed a society called "Splwebgtohe" for short. Tis name stands for "Society for the Protection of Ladies Whose Eyes have been Blacked by Gentlemen taking off Hats in Elevators."
is an allied society to the men's recently formed "Aptohe," which stands for "Association for' the: Prevention of Taking off Hats in Elevators"—a courtesy demanded by tradition in America, President Roosevelt when ins formed, of the creation of the women's society at a White House Press conference, laughed and threatened to put all such societies under Government control.
Text read from the printed page and cleaned; old type leaves the occasional error.