Scor (to friend while visiting London): "Nae, mon, I can't stand taxicabs! When I sit wi' ma back fae the driver it makes me feel sick, and when I sit wi' ma face tae the taximeter it makes me feel nae better."
Off the Road "More cyclists before the Bench," muttered the Magistrate. "They ought to be kept off the road. What is the first case?"
"Riding a bicycle on the footpath, your Worship," replied the clerk, Witness Tne husband liked his dram, and his wife asked a lawyer to draw up an agreement that both should sign the pledge. The husband agreed on condition that his wife signed first.
She did so, and thereupon the husband signed:
"Sandy Macpherson, witness."
Caddish A coon story is told about the late Dr. John Edward King, the only Old Cliftonian to become headmaster of Clifton, As the heads of the houses were counting the Sunday evening's collection Dr. King noticed that among the coins were twelve farthings and one button.
"Ah," said the headmaster. "I see we have cads and one super-cad in the school!"
Found a Home WEN a city youngster showed a liking for cakes to the total exclusion of bread and butter at the tea table the other evening, his father took him severely to task.
He explained to the lad that in his youth he had to be content with bread, butter, and perhaps treacle, cakes being a delicacy that rarely came his way.
"You must be awfully glad you came to live here, daddy," remarked the boy.
Text read from the printed page and cleaned; old type leaves the occasional error.