Give Whippet a Powder CowcrALING powder in pocket, whistle to 4 whippet. Receive no reply, except from canary.
Search house for whippet. Find him in little Albert's. bed.
Ask little Albert, is that sort of thing healthy? Ignore little Albert's reply that the whippet will get hardened to it in time.
Take whippet into garden. Holding jaws of whippet open with the left hand, produce powder.
Go back into house for another powder and some iodine.
Go back to little Albert's bed for whippet.
Go back to garden.
Tell little Albert, this time he can hold whippet's jaws open. Observe complete willingness of whippet to hold jaws open for little Albert.
Shake powder smartly on to whippet's tongue.
Receive powder full in the face as whippet sneezes.
Brush powder from face. from little Albert's face.
Brush stupid smirk Send little Albert for more powder.
Explain to whippet that he'll never grow up a big strong dog and be able to bite little Albert if he doesn't take his powder.
Receive new powder from little Albert. Swallow generous portion of it myself to give whippet confidence.
Ask little Albert what was that powder he just brought?
Consider little Albert's reply that it was some powder from his chemistry set, marked "Poison."
Ask little Albert what he will do if daddy dies. Listen while little Albert maps out a complete programme of what he intends to do.
Borrow little Albert's fountain pen to make out new will, omitting little Albert. Discover it is a trick pen with rubber nib.
Ring doctor.
Wring little Albert.
—Formby in the "Sunday Express."
Advice To Recruits Now you are in the Army your only chance of being reasonably happy is to take the line least resistance,
Text read from the printed page and cleaned; old type leaves the occasional error.