Tse following is a genuine quotation from the Parliamentary Standing Orders:
"Government business shall have precedence on as many Wednesdays immediately before Good Fitday as the number of Wednesdays before Christmas on which it has not had preeedence, and on as many Fridays immediately before Good Friday as the number of Fridays (reduced by three) on which it had not pre-cadence before Christmas."
Fair Exchange A MAN was moving from a house into a flat, and was unable to take his dog with him: He therefore went to the local S.P.C.A. centre, "Could you sell this dog for £10,000?" he asked.
"Good heavens!" cried the amazed agent, "No dog is worth all that sum."
The owner of the dog insisted. Some time later he returned and asked if his dog had been sold. He was told that it had, "Do you really mean you got cash?" he inquired.
"Well, no," replied the agent. "You see, I exchanged it for two £500 cats, Heard in Court Man: The policeman seemed a sympathetic kind of chap, totally unsuited for his job.
Defendant: Give me seven days to pay and TIl see what I can do in a fortnight.
Solicitor at Highgate: Can' you hear. the officer's evidence? Do you wish him to speak Defendant: No, my wife's outside.
Defendant:
stationary.
You say the car was moving; I say it Then it must have been a night-
A Bit About Trousers A Min, who sport 33 years stealing nothing but trou has just swiped his last pair for some time. They have given him two months' imprisonment in' Toronto.
Tt is obvious that here there. is a man who devoted his life to absent-minded professors.
His card was on all professorial desks, it would seem, with its friendly, respectful message—Before you begin your lecture, sir, have you forgotten your trousers?"
The professors knew that he could provide practically any size or pattern from his enormous stock of stolen goods, One vague glance below was enough to tell them whether they needed his services or no, In the course of those years he must have built up quite a bı
"Rhubarb"
I nave always liked crowd scenes in those mammoth, epic, historical film dramas, because of the sinister muttering of the crowd.
Sometimes it swells to an equally' sinister roar: but it is always produced by the repetition of one word, in various tones, and at various speeds.
The word is "rhubarb," as riy actor will tell you.
Get the family and some friends round the fireside, and try it yourselves—rhubarb, rhubarb, rhubarb!
Now you can proceed to the trial scene of XVI in the French Revolution.
"So the name's Louis Capet, huh?" Sez you!"
Crowd: "Rhubarb, rhubarb!"
Judge: "What's the charge?"
Prosecutor: "Plenty! Enough to blow him sky high."
"Oh, yeah?"
vd: "Rhubarb! Rhubarb! Rhubarb!"
Judge: "Shut up, you birds! Who the hell's running this show?"
Try it, as I say, one evening, It will combine historical education with thrills and amusement in the best Hollywood tradition, and the cost will be considerably less than the £1,000,000 which would be spent on a film,—Showman in the "Daily Herald,
Text read from the printed page and cleaned; old type leaves the occasional error.