A "specta" on a Sunday evening, while on duty told some young boys to stop playing so noisily in the street.
One boy answered, "Can it, Special! real cop has just gone past, and he said now'
"Always Open"
Tue sirens wailed and a mother and two sisters groped out of bed and began hurriedly to dress in the dark, The mother kept asking, "What time is it?"
Aiter her third query, a daughter replied, "Oh, never mind the time, mother. The gates of Heaven and Hell are open day and night."
Ultimatum from Helen Hoten is eight, and the only child. She was being hauled over the coals by her mother for some offence.
Her father had been called up.
Helen knew the strength of her position.
"If you shout at me again," shs said, "I shall go back to school and get myself evacuated, Then you'll have no one to talk to."
War is Hard A mist ai a train taking <vacuees to a seaside town trying to console a little girl who was crying bitterly.
"Don't cry, darling," she said, "You are going to a lovely seaside place.
The child said, indignantly: "It isn't the place you're going io. It's the people you leave behind." oe Master of Indecision A cORVORAL was drilling some young militiamen, "Left turn....about turn... right turn....left turn."
One youth fell out and the corporal halted the squad and then walked across and asked, "What is the matter, sonny "Matter? Who can work with a fellow like you? You don't know your own mind two minutes together."
Health Hint We learn from an unimpeachable source that it is believed in usually well-informed circles that the consensus among those best qualified to judge is that certain information which, we are credibly informed, comes from an authoritative quarter is now under consideration by usually well-informed and unimpeachable writes Lane-Norcott in the "Daily Mai But hush, girls! Back to your knitting of coloured rissole cases for the well-dressed Militiaman! The column is invaded by a swarm of authoritative and well-connected censors devils, who have come to cut off our winged words with their blunt shears!
Sa Bertie Writes Sm;—What would "The Iron Duke" have said had he lived to se? the day when a private soldier would have the right to walk out with him when off duty?
No one realizes more clearly than I do that in time of national emergency all classes of the community must "bury the hatchet" and "pull together," but I don't hesitate to say that this new regulation allowing officers and other ranks to be seen together when not on duty is calculated to turn war into a farce, Many think" ing people agree with me.
May I further encroach upon your valuable space to suggest to the proper authorities that n future they shall construct air-raid shelters with two separate entrances—one to be marked Gentry" and the other "The Masses." A sound precedent for this distinction is to be found in our great national game, the Players taking the leid from one side of the pavilion and the Gentlemen from the other, In conclusion, it may interest your readers o learn that my little dog, Victoria, has given birth to two splendid male puppies, which I propose to call "General Gamelin" and "Mister Here-Belisha" respectively.
Faithfully yours, Albert ("Bertie") Togbury-Snagglewaite, Hon.
Colonel of the West Worthing Messenger Boys Light Infantry and Physical Training Instructor to the Girls of the Trees Auxiliary Corps.
Text read from the printed page and cleaned; old type leaves the occasional error.