Pre-war Prices A tism hawker came to the door. bloaters today, lady?" he called.
"Have they roes?" he was asked.
"Oh, no, lady, pre-war price to you."
"Bust"
"Now Jones, tell me what you know about a pontoon?" said the R-E. sergeant to the recruit.
"Well," said the sapper hesitatingly, "if you get more than 21 you've busted."
Hard Life Orricer (to recruit learning trench digging): "You're getting on very slowly with that trench, aren't you?" A it: "Ground as ard as iron, sir.
"Why don't you try blasting it."
"Been doing nothing else all morn-ale. is Purely Negative Tue irate sergeant was stamping and spluttering on the barracks square in front of a squad of militiamen when all at once he shouted:
"You have been in my charge for four months. I have done my best with you. I have taught you all I know. And now, dam mit, you know absolutely nothing!" oe Prize-Winner A Recrvrr insisted on an interview with his C.O. Eventually his wish was granted and he was asked, in rather impatient terms, what he was so anxious about, "Well, sir, if you please," answered the re-fruit, "could I transfer to a non-combatant unit, as I've just won a pound a week for life in a competition," ow He Knew Two men were walking down the town complete with gas masks. Suddenly, one of them stopped, looked up, then took out his gas mask and put it on.
"Why are you putting on your gas mask?" said his, pal "There isn't an air raid."
"Shut "up!" said the other. "There's a chap coming up I owe ten bob to."
Raiders Near asked the warden in the office: cee Tur chief walked into an A.R.P. stai
call, John?" "Only one sir, just somebody pulling my leg. When the bell rang I picks up the receiver and listens. says, ts a long distance from London.' So I just replied, It is that, and put the bli receiver back again." sar "Peace" In Pieces Rap fans were listening to the German an-nouricer from Hamburg, who happened to be enlarging upon his favourite topic—that Great Britain was to blame for starting this war, as the Fuehrer desired only peace.
"Aye," suddenly exclaimed à neighbour's little boy, "thou art reet, lad. Th'owd devil does want peace, but nolan that so'art What he wants is a piece o' this, an' a piece o' that, an' a piece o' t'other."
Goalposts Wanted
walk.
NUR of evacuees were taken for a country After tea the man in charge of the suggested a game of football.
The biggest of the lads eyed him for a moment as if he thought him insane and looked around the meadow. 7
"Football?" he asked. "Did you say football? Ow can we play football when there ain't no lamp-posts?"
Sinecure Ir was the first of the month, and Glamorgan teachers receive their pay on this date, One teacher, having received hers, was check~ ing it at her desk, when Sylv. five-year-old evacuee from London, piped, "And what's that, miss?" teacher.
This is my pay, lied Sylvia, dear,"
The little one looked puzzled, and then said: "My daddy's a bus driver, and he works for his pay. Where d'you work miss?"
Text read from the printed page and cleaned; old type leaves the occasional error.