Getting a Seat Tur bus was crowded. Two sprightly girls entered, and one, standing beside a young man who was seated, said to her friend, "You just watch how I get that chap's seat." Then she bent toward the young man, saying in a delightful tone, "Oh, Mr. Jones, it's a pleasure to meet you again."
A big silence.
Then the young man got up, saying:—"Yes, do sit down, Bridget. I don't often see you out on washing-day. Is the laundry closed, or what?"
Long Story Cut Short "To cut a long story short," said The Man in the Corner of the Local who had been talking for an hour, "my brother wrote to the gas company and told them just at he thought of them, And when my brother gets his dander up he's a proper terror, I wish I had a copy of the letter so you could read it. ou'd die of laughing.
We smiled back bravely at our tormentor and said, "Fancy "Of course," said The Man, "that's not my brother Sid you met in here last Thursday, Or was it Friday?"
We said we didn't remember.
"No," said The Man. "I'm a lar. It was Wednesday. I know it was Wednesday beau: that was the day we had roast pork for dinner, and my wife said if you're not home by 1.30 p.m., sharp you won't get no dinner, Of course, he didn't mean it, but I don't need a second warning to get home prompt to a bit of pork when my wife's cooked it. One of these days you'll have to try a bit of my wife's pork.
We said it would be a pleasure, "She takes a real interest in cooking," said The Man, "and funnily enough my daughter Em takes after her, I think you met my daughter Fin in here last Monday. Or was it Tuesday?"
We said we were not sure.
"No," said The Man. "I'm a liar, It was a Sunday, because Em's husband was with her. You must remember Em's husband, because he was sitting just where you're sitting now. Of course, he's a bit on the quiet side since he had half his inside out, but all there, mind you. Some of these quiet ones think a lot and you have to have your head screwed on right in the wholesale ironmongery. Of course, Em might have made a better marriage like my other daughter Vi. I think you met my daughter Vi?"
We said we didn't remember. you do," said The Man crossly.
s in here last January, Or was it December?"
We said we didn't know, "No," said The Man. "I'm a liar. It was last November, because it was just after shed had her operation. And nobody ever bought shed pull through that, I can tell you. But, of course, she had the best attention and none better, as her husband said that money was no object, him being a Government contractor. For weeks she lay like a dead thing, hovering between life and death, as you might say, but there she is now as happy as a lark and as bright as a button and always ready for a laugh and a joke. In many ways she's like my brother Tom, I think you met my bother Tom?
We pleaded ignorance of Tom's existence.
"You must remember old Tom," said The Man. "He was in here last year. Or was it the year before?' vited The Man to search aid The Man. "I'm a liar, It was the ar before that, because I remember he was itting in that corner by the fire telling us yarns by the dozen, Talk about a scream. Of course, I've always said my brother Tom ought to have been on the stage, though I suppose you never get there without influence, As my old father used to say... Of course, you've never met my old father "This century or the last?" we asked, "or the century before that?"
"Now you're trying to be funny," said The Man. ud talking about being funny, I was going to tell you about my brother's letter to the gas company. Well, to cut a long story —By a London columnist.
Text read from the printed page and cleaned; old type leaves the occasional error.