He had reached the magnificent age of 100, and was being interviewed by a reporter from. the local newspaper.
"And what," asked the interviewer at last, "do you think of the modern girl?"
"Lor', sir," replied the centenarian, "I be a "underd, I be, an' I gave up thinking bout the girls nigh on ten years ago."
Dropped one "Mummy," came the voice of the small daughter of the house.
"Yes, dear?" answered her mother.
"You know that vase you said had been Manges. down from generation to generation?"
"Well, this generation has dropped it!"
Sober Ar a regimental dinner, the colonel came round and put a fatherly hand on the shoulder of the young subaltern, "Look here, my boy," he said, "this is your frst dinner, and I know you won't mind a little advice from me. Go easy with the decanter, and don't try to stick it too long. Here's a good tip for you. You see those two candlesticks there? Well, when you begin to see four instead of two, clear off."
"All right, sir," said the young mam. "But I can't see more than one at present."
Cutting THE home team's centre-forward was very much off form. Time and again he was given a pass right in front of the goal, but on each occasion he either mis-kicked, or sent the ball flying over the crossbar.
When he eventually yelled a voice from the crowd. a penny stamp for you!"
The centre-forward glared at his tormentor. "What should I want that for?" he asked.
The retort was cutting. "To stick on the ball, so i'll go through the post quicker!"
Text read from the printed page and cleaned; old type leaves the occasional error.