"Ir has been said that a tourist visits London to see the changing of the guard and visits Paris to see the changing of the Government."—Sir Walter Smiles, M.P., in Liverpool.
Puzzled Tue decontamination squad were dealing with the aftermath of imaginary gas bombing.
Sweet Young Thing to A.R.P. man: "It's all vay rent: what are they doing it in aid of?
Points of View "Can't you see that sign?" asked the tram conductor. "It says, No smoking,"
"Sure, Cap'n," said the sailor, "but blast me, half of them are nutty. Pipe that. one on the starboard, 'Wear Princess Claire Corsets.' Show me yours and I'l quit smoking'", Wrong Name "I pon'r like your heart action," said the family doctor to the young man. "But of course you've had some previous trouble with angina pectoris."
The youth heaved a deep sigh.
"Yes, doctor, I have," he replied. "But you haven't got her name Quite right?"
A Penny's Travels A scHooL teacher sends this extract from a little boy essay on "The Autobiography of a Penny":—
"A full account of the number of times I have been spent on a slider-in hot weather, a poke of chips in winter, or a comic paper would fill a book never mind an essay."
Letter From the White Cat Dear READERS.—You may remember that some months ago I told you how I met Miss Tiddles and how her love filled a gap in my lonely life?
Well, today I should be thei happiest cat in the "world. Miss Tiddles has become the mother of six kittens.
It is difficult to tell you how the news thrilled me. For years I have dreamed of fatherhood. Not only did I want to hand on the torch of life which seems the main reason for our, existence, but I wanted kittens of my own, T was tired of being an uncle to Sally's children. I wanted to experience the joy-that only parents can know, So I dashed off to see them and was a little hurt that Miss Tiddles did not seem anxious to show them to me. Naturally, I put this down to temperament at a trying time and forgave her the blow on the face she gave me when I tried to lick them.
I waited my time. Presently, she went off to get her lunch and I was alone with my children, Of course, I thought them beautiful. You will forgive a father's pride? There were three tabbies and three black all bunched up together in a furry, panting heap. But as I gloated a terrible question flashed through my conscience—a question so terrible that I tried to dismiss it the moment it was born, Why weren't any of them' white?
In a panic I turned them over one by one, but there wasn't a white nose or even a white whisker among them.
Well, dear readers, I have tried to be just to Miss Tiddles. I know nothing of eugenics, and have\ almost persuaded myself that it is possible for three tabby and three black kittens to be born to a tabby mother and an all-white father.
But I found it difficult. Doubt has come like a thief in the night to steal my happiness. and the demon jealousy haunts my dreams and embitters every waking hour.
Perhaps some of you can help'me?
You probably know more about these things than I do, Yours truly, Tur Wert CAT—Gubbins in the "Sunday Express."
Text read from the printed page and cleaned; old type leaves the occasional error.