He had been out for a day's fishing, and in the evening he came home and proudly gave his wife a large fish.
"How's that for a catch?" he asked.
His wife sniffed suspiciously.
"Are you sure you really caught it, Jim?" she asked. "It smells very strong, you know."
"TIl say its strong—it nearly pulled me into the river.
YE
"At Home Lig was most incredibly drunk, and the constable was finding it hard work to get him to the police station. It was actually only a few hundred yards, but to the arm of the law it seemed miles. Several times the inebriate fell down flat, dragging his captor with him.
At last, breathless, covered with mud, the constable managed to drag his captive up the steps of the station. As they lurched through the door, the drunk muttered: "Thanksh, ole chap! Get me inshide—quick—before the copsh shee me!"
Not Speakin'
Tue house was very quiet one Sunday afternoon, when suddenly the silence was shattered by the sound of a disturbance from the kitchen. A terrific altercation was going-on, and much bumping and banging.
The mistress of the house hurried down to investigate and reached the kitchen just as the angry voices rose to a screaming pitch.
"What on earth is all this commotion about?" she demanded.
"If you please, mum," replied ihe housemaid, picking herself up from the floor, "me and Cook's not speaking Odd Honeymoon ne rather elderly couple, who had been courting for many, many years, decided to get married.
The prospective bridegroom accordingly went along to the vicar.
"Well, John," beamed the vicar, "Im' so glad to hear that after all these years you and Betsy are to be married. Where and how are you thinking of spending the honeymoon, may I ask?"
"Well, zur," replied John, smiling shyly, "us thought it would be a bit of a change like if, after us got wed, we each went our different ways for a week or so."
Well, Well, Well "PRESBYTERIAN Crossings" was' the description given to pedestrian crossings by a witness recently.
Nonconformist crossings would surely be more appropriate.
Grimsby Highways Committee were pondering the question of whether or not permission should be granted to a local brewery company to carry a pipe-line over a certain street in the town to convey beer from one portion of their premises to another.
Suddenly a voice piped up, hopefully: "Will the pipe leak A motorist on a parking charge in a Glasgow local court told the bench: "I was summoned to this court for nine o'clock this morning," he said; "my car has been standing outside for 35 mins. Is that longer than is reasonably necessary?" The court did not answer his query and a fine of half a guinea was imposed for his original offence.
At last it has happened at Newport, the place once regarded as a danger spot for motorists. Three cyclists, who were riding abreast and took no notice of a motorist's persistent horn blowing, were fined at the local court for preventing the free passage on the highway.
Text read from the printed page and cleaned; old type leaves the occasional error.