DrreNbANT at Tottenham: My business broke vp during the Crisis.
Solicitor: Which one?
Woman: The house is badly designed, To see into the next door garden you have to stand on a chair.
Witness: I honestly think he was frightened of the police. When his engine backfired he made out he was only coughing.
Solicitor: Why should the constable bring you to court if you are not guilty Motorist: I think he is merely seeking adventure.
Conversation With the Wife I've been thinking, Beryl.
What with, George?
Ive been thinking, now I'm home again, I ought to do some service for the nation.
Like going away again?
No, some of this A-R.P. work. There must be summar I could do.
You could join a Decontamination Squad What do they have to do?
They remove all traces of persistent gas from buildings.
Cee, they must be kept busy round t'Houses of Parliament.
Or you could become an Auxiliary Watcher—they have to watch the shore.
Aye, I shouldn't mind that job if they gave me t'South Shore at Blackpool, They get some right nice lasses there.
Why not join a Demolition Party? What colour shirts do they wear? They don't wear shirts.
Sounds like a good party.
They demolish dangerous structures—like theatres Why? Are theatres dangerous?
I met you in one, Hey, where are you going? Just for that, I'm going to join the W.A.TS, But they're all women in that You're telling me! Ta-ta!
Formby in the "Sunday Expre: aft Ted Miffin, The Man (Bring the first of a series of brilliant articles, "men I know," by Mrs. Eliza Mifin, the only charwoman with sex appeal.)
Most men are easy to ancile if you know ow though I must say that mr tifin my late husband was a bit of a problem.
mr tiffin was a proper hitler in the ome and ad wot i see the papers say hitler as—delusions of grandeur—though meselt i should say he was too big for is boots.
as advertised last week mr mifün give up work on is wedding day and would never lift a finger in the ome nor anywhere else.
mr min always ad is breakfast in bed and never got up till the clock struck twelve and the ouse was properly aired mr early rising was all right for foreigners and the lower classes but not for im. although he come of a workin class family t mr tifin always eld he was never brought up to work an used to ask me whats the use of both of us workin if mr tifin ad been of the larky sporty tipe i wouldn't ave minded im auging about the ouse all day but most of the time he was idden behind the racin news and never opened is mouth except to put food in it, if visitors come to the ouse mr tiffin would sometimes walk straight out of the front door with not so much as an ow do you do or a by your leave or if it was cold an wet stay at ome and make sary remarks mr tifin was not exactly and some being rather liverish aving no proper work and a bit on pasty side with a black ancile bar mustache and long nose and ears which he always kidded unself was a sign of breeding.
all the same if mr mifün ad taken me only once to the pictures and ant thought he ad married beneath unself while livin on my money we might ave made a go of it.
as it was wasnt sorry to see him drop off the oaks though i wore me weeds for a year after.
—Nat Gubbins in the "Sunday Express."
Text read from the printed page and cleaned; old type leaves the occasional error.