Max. Basil Boofuls, with his faith in Glamour and Romance, was rather worried by the evidence in a police court of the wife who said that—well, yes—she supposed she loved her husband when she married him, says Showman in the "Daily Herald." He tried to imagine the prep scene.
"Well?"
"Well What?"
"What about you and me getting married?" "Oh, I don't know."
"You might do worse."
"Come to that, so might I."
"And I might do better."
"Same here. But what do you say?"
"Oh, I suppose I might as well."
"All right. See you at the registrar's office."
"All right Let me know when."
Ah (thought Mr. Boofuls) if only the suitor had brought along a box of those delicious choos! Then her face would have lit up with such love as to persuade the neighbours that the gasworks had exploded.
And its echoes would still be in their hearts.
All At Sea Exe, but it's wonderful, cee, but it's grand—When you're out on a cruise!
You never quite know where you're going to land—
When you're out on a cruise!
There's never a worry to trouble your thoughts. To go round the world is the best of all sports, And the world goes round you after one or two ports—When you're out on a cruise!
The sea's full of salt and the sun's full of shine—When you're out on a cruise!
There's no one to stop you from crossing the line—
When you're out on a cruise!
You meet a young lady you just can't forget, You walk neath the stars and you think you're her pet, But when she throws you over, bah goom! you get wet—When you're out on a cruise!
There's beautiful sights to be seen on the shore—
When you're out on a cruise!
And beautiful sights on the ship, what is more—When you're out on a cruise!
The walls of my cabin are ever so thin, Last night from next door came a curious din, So I drilled a hole in t'wall but t'Atlantic came That's the worst of a cruise, Yo-ho, That's the worst of a cruise!
The Sweep Again "Wert," said The Sweep, he papers make interesting readin, don't they?'
"They do and all," I said.
see little old Chamberlain's bitterly disappointed," said The Sweep. "Cor strike a light, jit seems a shame, don't it?"
"Don't it," I said.
"Like breaking a promise to a child," said The Sweep.
"That's right," I said.
"I see he went and forgot his little old umbrella the other mornin," said The Sweep. "That shows you he ain't {sself, don't it?"
"It certainly do," I said.
or suffering blimey," said The Sweep.
"Cor," I said.
"Still" said The Sweep, you can always read what the ladies are a-doin of."
"That's right," I said.
"I see one of them as been telling a reporter ow much she spends on er clothes" said The Sweep. "Eighteen day dresses at eight guineas each, fourteen avenin dresses at twelve guineas each and eighteen nighties at three pounds each. s it makes you think, "She don't stint erselt, do she?" said The Sweep.
"She certainly don't," I said.
"And nor do her old man," said The Sweep. "I see he spends five pound ten a pair on his pyjamas because they make im sleep better. Cor crikey, if I was to pay five pound ten for me old night shirt I wouldn't sleep a wink."
or me," I said.
"Still, they must look very nice in the even-in," said The Sweep.
"Not arf," I said.
"I see she prefers black nighties," said The Sweep.
"Go on," I said.
"And I expect he do, too," said The Sweep. "Wouldn't be surprised," I said.
"Cor chase my aunt Fanny round the gas said The Sweep, "it shows you what goes on, don't it?"
"It do," I said.
"Cor stone me up a gum tree," said The Sweep. "Cor suffering snakes."
"Cor" I said.
—Gubbins in the "Sunday Express.*
Text read from the printed page and cleaned; old type leaves the occasional error.