Mistress: Oh, cook, be sure and put plenty of nuts in the cake.
Cook: You don't catch me cracking no more nuts. I've near broke me jaw already.
Mistress: Did you leave a note for the milkman?
Maid: Yes, but he didn't answer it.
Mistress: Really, Gertrude, I must compliment. you on the excellent way you have ironed these things.
Maid: Yes, mum, them's mine. I'll do yours the same if I get time.
Mistress: Did you give the goldfish fresh water?
Maid: What's the use? They didn't drink what I gave them yesterday.
Mistress: You're wasting money! Thàt electric heater has been on all day!
Maid: Don't worry, madam. It isn't ours; I borrowed it from next door.
Text read from the printed page and cleaned; old type leaves the occasional error.