Of course, Ijknow I'am riot a gentloman. "I have given up' hopes' of ever iboing one. Years ago, when life pro-sented possibilities, I thought -that with pains' and: intelligence' I' might become one. I-never succeeded, It all: depends ow. "Round the bed-post, or the neck: of the: water-jug, L could tio: they-wretched thing to perfection, If only: the.-bed-pastor the water-jug could have taken my place and gone to the party: instesd of. mo, life would have-been-simpler, The bed-post and the water-jug, in its neat white bow, looked like.a gentloman—the fashionable novelist's idea of.a gentleman... Upon myself the result was otherwise, suggesting always a feeble attempt at suicide by strangulation. I could never understand how it was done. Thoro wore moments, when it flashed across mo th: lay in being able to turn out, coming up with on the other way round. Standing on one's head might: have'surmounted the difficulty; but the higher gymnastics Nature has denied'to me. the Boneless Wonder" or the' ManSerpent" could, I felt, be a gentleman-so easily. To one to whom has been given only the common ordinary joints gentlemanliness is apparently an impossi)
It is not only th fashionable. novel. without, misgiving, Some hopeless bounder is being describ: {If you want to know what he is like, says the Peer of the Realm, thrown, himself back in his.deep easy-chair, an pulling lazily at his cigar of delicate aroma;-" ho is'the'sort of man that wears three studs in his shirt."'- Merciful heavens! I myself wear three studs in my shirt. I also am @ hopeless' boun Tnever knew it. It comes' upon m thunderbolt. "I thought three studs were fashionable, The idiot at the shop told me three studs wore all the rage, and ordered two dozen. I.can't. afford to throw them away. Till these two dozen shirts are-worn out, I shall have to remain 'a hopeless bounder... Why have we not a Minister of the. Fine: Arts?.. Why does not a-paternal Government fix notices at the street corners,, telling the: would-be gentleman how.many.studs he ought to wear, what style of necktie now: distinguishes the: noble-minded. man from the base-hearted They are prompt: enough with: their police regulations, their vaccination orders—the higher things of life they neglect.
Text read from the printed page and cleaned; old type leaves the occasional error.