Aloysius Alasco barged in at the most inconvenient time, his wrinkled brow portending li manner of inconsequential queries. Our greeting was none too cordial, the less so a8 we learned that he bent finding out how one managed to publish a newspaper when there was no news, "There's always news," we informed him; "Everything has a news value, and can be worked up entertainingly.
should like to take you up on that," he challenged.
"Go to it," was our reply. probably intend to camp here for an hour, at least; so we might as well make the best of it.'
"Very well," said he, "supposing. you had only the lines "Take her up tenderly, lift her with' slenderly—soung, and to work on, how would you pro-
"That's good for anything from a} half-column to two full pages," we Further reproduction prohil assured him." You don't go quite far enough, however, for our purposes. To do justice to the thing, must include the lines, "Had he a, father? Had ake Had she a, sister? Hed she a brother?"
With this much to work on, the rest is simple."
"How 802" he asked, curiously.
"Why, here you have splendid material. for the following:—The principal leading article, a short comment, an obituary, a special for the ladies' department, strong. article for the financial page, unlimited work for the reporters' room, suggestion for correspondence, meat for the publishing department, a subject for a two-column feature story (with illustration), jand a theme for one of our "Poems we never publish."
"Really, you amaze me," said Aloysius; "but elucidate, won't you?
"With pleasure. The clue to the leading article lies in the added line, Had she a father? Had she a mother?" The answer to these being obviously in the affirmative, we should write, let us. say, on 'What it means to ba married.' Then again, take your very first sentiment, 'Take her up tenderly, etc.' We "have only to envisage the customary sign, 'This side up, glass,' or, perhaps, 'Stow away from boilers,' and, in view of the fact that the cargo in the case was ruined, make a scathing comment on *The Carelessness of Ocean Carriers' So much for the purely editorial side, "As to the obituary, will consist largely of deceased's record in sports, indoor and out. The reporters' room will be occupied with the fetlowing: Account of the inquest, with its illuminating verdict' to the effect that deceased came to her death by remaining in the water too long, and keeping her head submerged whilst of unsound Then, again, a bit of jui Scandal might leak out at the me quiry. As to the question of brothers or sisters of the deceased, someone on the staff would be kept busy trotting from consulate to consulate and, failing to got where, would then trot from cabaret. to cabaret, showing up with h story just as the paper was being put to bed, Next, for the special feature possibilities, 'The of the Indies' department will contain a hence we shall have a deseteption of this in due course, The one who will score most heavily, howe will be the feature-writer, He or she will turn out something nifty on 'Suicide in Old Pineappleopolis,' narrating how fashions en bumping. oneself off have changed. There be a special block made for of a citizen of Pineappieopolis Unfortunately, in the make-up, this will get in with the advert, of a new shaving device, while the Pineappleopolis suicide willie seen wearing a beatific smile as his beard comes off in a twinkling.
"As the deceased was wearing home-made cotton stockings, the financial page will hold forth on Lancashire's great handicap. An indignant correspondent will write about seals in the Whanypoo, adding a rider on municipal seals. Eu) li will, submit a poem beginning:
"How cruel is Shanghai to its (To write that much took her four "Remains, then, the publishing department, who will take advantage of the incident to ask the reader if his people at home really know what is going on out here, or to emphasize that, for locating possible brothers and sisters, there nothing like the classified vertisements, the latest lady.
for a brother having received 542 answers before noon of the day that her inquiry was "So you see, Aloysius," we concluded, "the thing is fairly clement tary. Even if we were crowded th more important matters, it anewers nicely for a Crow's with more important matters'? he "What do you mean by crowded hibited without permission.
Text read from the printed page and cleaned; old type leaves the occasional error.