A CERTAIN lady was in the habit of employing her gardener to act as butler on special occasions. The lady kept in the house for these events a special pair of breeches, but the gardener never looked upon them as his own, always thinking of them as the property of his mistress.
This probably explains why, on a certain afternoon when a number of guests were assembled for tea, the gardener poked his head in the door and enquired:
"Do I wear me own breeks to-night, madam, or yours?
The Optimist An old American farmer was seeing a movie for the first time. He sat through the feature without displaying much interest. Then one of those footling comedies came on. Across the screen dashed a bevy of girls They crossed the railway track, arrived at the swimming pool and began to disrobe for a plunge. They had taken off shoes, stockings, skirts and were beginning to remove their lingerie when a passing goods train sped across the screen and obscured the view. When it had passed the girls were gambolling in the water.
The old farmer sat through the show again and again, At last an usher came up to him.
"Aren't you ever going home?" he asked, "Oh, not for a bit yet," answered the farmer. "One of these times that train's gain' to be late."
Song of the Road Pkofik often sing songs about the open road and it all sounds very jolly. Our road is op^n, too but in a different way, and I don't icularly feel like making a song ut it.
A lot of hearty baritones Are always pleased to sing About the jolly open road And all that kind of thing. The poor old road where I reside 18 open—quite a lot.
And I have only got one wish:
I wish that it was not.
Text read from the printed page and cleaned; old type leaves the occasional error.