the Widower The Milk Roundsman Falls for Two O° Chips Mr. T. Thompson in the "Manchester Guardian" tells a delightful story in dialect of a conversation in a fried fish "Two o' chips," said Ned Hanson, "and a fish."
"On a plate?" asked Mrs. Begg.
"Ah'll have em on a plate," said Ned.
'Salt an' pepper?" said Mrs. Begg. "Am aleker," said Ned. "Ah like a dash o' chip shop aleker, it's weel let down."
"Here's thi fork," said Mrs. Begg. "Hasta finished thi round?"
"Just finished," said Ned, "takin' it out. There's plenty to do when Ah get wheam tha knows. There's ahus plenty to do on a milk farm.
"Tuppence change," said Mrs. Begg. "Tha looks weel on it."
"These tastes nice," said Ned. wor ready for em."
"Ah just pooled em out o th' pan," said Mrs. Begg. "Ah know when to expect thee."
"Nah fancy that," said Ned thoughtfully. "Tha—tha expects me—about now.
"Well," said Mrs. Begg, "wouldn't tha if tha wor me an' tha come every neet for months about this time, wouldn't tha'
This was too big a mouthful for Ned to digest at once, so he two or three more chipped potatoes whilst thinking it over.
"Ah reckon Ah would," he said at last, "If Ah wor thee an' tha wor me, an' tha come regular at this time, as tha says."
It ston's to sense," said Mrs. Begg.
"Ah hadn't just thowt on it that way," said Ned.
Well," said Mrs. Begg, "what other road could tha think?"
"Ah'll have a pennorth o' beans," said Ned.
"That art ungry to-neet," said Mrs. Begg, and in the same breath, "What is it for thee, love?"
"Ah towd thee a pennorth o' beans," said Ned.
"Ah wor axis' th' chut," said Mrs. Begg. "Gimme thi basin, love. Pea mixture."
"Oh," said Ned.
"Here tha art, love," said Mrs. Begg.
"Put sawt an' vinegar on for "Ah thowt tha wor talking' to me,"
Ned.
Tha'd given thy orde: said Mrs. Begg.
"O' th' same," said Ned, "Ah thowt tha wor talking' to me."
"Tha doesn't think Ah'd call thee love, costa?" asked Mrs. Begg.
"Ah shouldn't think so," said Ned, nobody could call thee forrad."
'Ah should look weel collin' thee dowfer wed." in' thee wi' a "It's welly twelve months Ah buried mi misses," said Ned. "By gow, tha does miss em. Tha wouldn't think when they're theer as thad miss em as mich when they're a great loss for sure," said egg.
"Hoo'd ha' had mi tay ready when Ah geet wheam," said Ned. "Ah shouldn't ha' only need to call for two o' chips."
"An' a fish," added Mrs. Begg, "an' one o' bean:
"Aye," said Ned. "Hasta any peas?"
"Tha knows Ah have peas," said Mrs. Begg.
Ah'll have a pennorti said Ned, Ah'm fair famished."
'That art doin' it," said Mrs. Begg. Two o' chips, love?"
Ah said peas," said Ned.
It's that chut behind thee," said Mrs. Begg. "Should Ah serve it?"
"Aye, serve it," said Ned, "mi time's mi own, Ah've nowt to goo back to but wark an' loneliness."
"Theer tha art, love," said Mrs. Begg. "Mind tha doesn't drop thi basin."
Tha seems to do tidy," said Ned.
"Ah've nowt to grumble at," said Mrs. Begg. "Ah have to do summar to keep missel Dosta not feel it lonely by hisd"?" asked Ned.
said Mrs.
Begg, "there's
Text read from the printed page and cleaned; old type leaves the occasional error.