Tür approach of the racing season reminds one of the woman who was congratulated by a friend in the feet, who said he was delighted io hear that her husband had won ten pounds in the Grand National.
"Thank vou very much," she replied, "but it wasn't my husband, it was my brother, and it wasn't thë Grand National, it was the Lincolnshire, and it wasn't ten pounds, it was ten shillings and he didn't win it, he lost it."
Paying the Crew Ax engine-driver was off duty owing to inno: ind when pay-day came round he asked his wife to call at the depot to collect his last week's wages.
She was surprised when she saw the amoúnt, and on reaching home mentioned that-he had. never told her what a good wage he got.
He was ready for that.
"AH" he said, collaring the packet, "but vhat'll be left when Ive paid the fireman and the guard?"
Brief Respite Having lost her husband, an old lady gave instructions for the wording on the tombstone, v. ihe ending t0 be "Rest in Peace, In the meantime, her late husband's will disclosed the fact that she had been treated rather badly, She immediately hurried to the mason end told him to omit the words "Rest in Peace. ephod, "but they have y been y well ned the old aay. "Just add, "Until we meet og An employer was informed by one of his overseers that an apprentice had completed his first year and was entitled to a "rise."
When he went to seek the boy out, however, {he employer could not find him. Ultimately he was traced to the boiler room, where he was found playing with the cat.
"Have you been here twelve months?" demanded the employer.
The guilty youth flushed and stammered, "No, sir, only a few minut Well, TU Tell You— jr must be terrible to live in one of them foreign countries where you can't follow your own religious belief and customs. Over here the quickest way to lose respect is to profess s belief to gain favour.
cold winter night a political candidate stopped at my uncle's house, After supper grandpa pulled his chair up to the fireplace, knelt down with his clows on the chair, and his back to the fire and went to bed.
The candidate thought grandpa was pravin' so e did the same thing. After he'd gone, my, cousin spoke up and says, "You know, there's a funny folia. He hasta warm his pants jest like grandpa."
—Bv Bor Buans
Text read from the printed page and cleaned; old type leaves the occasional error.