Jour (ooking out of the window): "Oh, mother, an automobile Just went by as big as a barn."
Mother: "Johnnie, why do you exaggerate so terribly? I've told you forly million times about that habit of yours, and it doesn't do obit of good!"
Guilty Conscience Winn a grinding of brakes the officer pulled up his car and shouted to a little boy playing in the eld: "I say, sonny, have you seen an alr-come down "anywhere near "No, sir!" replied the boy, trying to hide his catapult, "ye only been shooting at a bottle"
Cautious Farwer was standing at the edge of a cliff admiring the sea below, the Sandwiches clutched in his hand, His son approached him and tugged at hiig_coat, "iMfother says it isn't, safe here," said the boy. "And you're ith come away or else give me the wishes!"
Goodness!
Wire (to her husband in the next room): "My dear, what are you opening that can with?"
Husband: "Why, with a can-opener, What did you think T was doing it 'Well, I thought from your that' you were opening it with a praya Patronising Tue Scottish accent, apparently, is not approved of in certain sections of the. masses. In a tram car the other day a pleasant looking girl was conversing ina soft pleasant voice with two women, There was no mis: taking her nationality, 'When she had left the car one woman said to the other, "Quate a nie gir, but she has such' a common voice."
He Knew! city teacher was endeavouring. to get the idea of the family as the" basic unit of elvillsation into the minds of his. pupils.
}6w," he asked, "what cords are the strongest and most, powerful in the world, yet are invisible, eho. vocal cords," called out Outlook—Unsettled young lawyer from the North sought tolocate in the South. He wrote to a friend in Alabama, asking him what the prospect seemed to be in the city for "an honest young lawyer and Republican."
In reply the friend wrote: "It you are an honest lawyer you have absolutely no competition. If you are Republican, the game laws will protect you Our Nice New Competition Moveo by the touching competition in a local contemporary to discover the best football player, which seems to have degenerated into a sort of male beauty contest, In Parenthesls has decided to open 'a competition of his own to ascertain who 1s the best. looking all-in wrestler, In view of the fact that clean shaven all-in wrestlers. must of necessity appeal fo the women more than the bearded variety, 100 points allowance will be made {o all sporting the hirsute appondage. Shanghai cuties of all ages will be allowed to compete recording their votes on the coupon below and stating whether they themselves, are brunettes or blonds—we really don't know why this is necessary, except that it will make the competition more interesting to the competition editor. Voters need not send in photographs immediately; those may be required afterwards To the all-in wrestler gaining the most votes will be awarded a one: way ticket to a certain place, The runner up will be told that he need not go there, Vote for....as the handsome all-in wresiier in Shanghai Signed. ise Voters should sign' their' ful names and addresses and state whether married or single and if Edited Aw English cub reporter, frequent ly reprimanded for relating too many details and warned to be brief, turned in the following:
"A shooting affair occurred ait night. Sir Dwight Hopeless, a guest at Lady Panmore's ball, complained of feeling ill, ook a whisky and soda his hat, his' coat, his departure, no notice to his friends, a taxi, a pistol from his pocket and finally' his Niee chap, Regrets and all that sor Exit Tue rustic who had applied for a Job on the railway came out from the examination room and told his waiting relatives that he was colour blind.
"But you can't be," said his father, "You are no more colour blind than 1 am"
know that, father," was the "but it all comes of bein'
"What do you mean?"
"Well, T went into the room an' a. man held something up for me to look at. 'Come,' said he, "thi isn't it? You are positive it's a quite pleading' Ike, an' though I could see plain enough it was red T couldn't tell him so, So T agreed with him, and they bundled me out."
Text read from the printed page and cleaned; old type leaves the occasional error.