A LowboN bus had just stopped and the conductor, on looking over to the other side of the road, noticed a man standing waiting for a bus going suburb-wards. He was apparently musician as he was holding a harp with one hand. In the other hand, however, he had a new garden spade.
"Oy, George," bawled the conductor to a news-vendor standing on the pavement, "Look at this bloke ere; 'e's backed "unself both ways!"
Rookie Routine Tur sergeant was addressing a squad of re-fruits who were about to have a few hours leave from barracks.
"Now," said he heavily, "if you go into a public-house or cafe and a civilian starts a row, remember its your duty as good soldiers to preserve law and order as much as possible. Don't join in, but drink up your beer and leave, Now, Private Jones, perhaps you'll be good enough to tell me what you have to do if a civilian starts a row with you when you are having a drink?"
Private Jones (who had allowed his attention io wander): "I would drink up his beer and immediately leave the premises."
Senator Soaper Says—Never one for slavish devotion to precedent, Mr. Roosevelt leaves a novel thought with Georgia: "Let anyone but George do it."
No. 1 rule in all lists of hot weather don't is, "Never give it a thought," the best time for which is February, Thieves in Massachusetts have carried away a wharf entire, which seems unwise. Fancy being caught and arraigned in a stolen dock, We laugh' at the fair vacationer who is taught to swim by each new lifeguard who comes along—we, who have to pretend to be rescued every four years by a politician!
Mr, Farley (postmaster-general) has under advisement an exotic suggestion from the far west. A Clark Gable special stamp is asked, with mucilage behind the ears.
Text read from the printed page and cleaned; old type leaves the occasional error.