Boy: And now, doctor, that I've told you I am going to marry Anne, there's ome thing I want to get off my chest.
Doctor: You just tell me about it, my boy.
on it.
d A tattooed heart with the name Mabel Which "W..k" Back Aw old' lady approached a postmaster and said: "I've been expecting a package of me-divine for a week back and it hasn't come yet."
"For a weak back?" asked the postmaster. "What do you take for it? I have a weak back myself."
"I'm not interested in your back," replied the lady. "What I want is my package of medicine."
"Very well," said the postmaster, "please fill out this form and state the nature of your complaint "Well" said the irate woman, "if you really must know, it's gas on my" stomach."
Book-Larnin'
"Nay," said old Jarge Rabbity, emerging from his pint-pot like Aphrodite rising from the foam, "Oi don't hold with ari thisyer Book-lamin'."
"Thee mun be reasonarible, Jange," protested Matt Mattock. "Modern da-ays, modern wa-ays. Tees ari t' fashion now, they tell Oi"
"Aye," piped Sam Scythe, "thee be a pesky, self-martin owd badger, Jarge. Oi meind me, moi dad did so-ay, 'Sam' 'e did so-ay, usuns mun rackan wi' progress.
"Thine owd dad and thee should be put in a bag an' boiled," said Mr, Rabbity calmly. "What good has book-lamin' done t Government that seems bent on Killin' t' farmer?"
"Ah!" said Harry Hoe.
"And Oil bet that t' Government sudden meind if there were no farmers, For Why? So there sudden be nowt vower tu shame it's book-lamin'.
"Strong words, Jarge," ruminated Mr. Mate tock.
said Mr. Rabbity, "Put Oi in Mr, Chamberlain's place, and ye'd see something."
"What'd we see?" queried Mr. Scythe.
"Someone who knows ye can't get milk from. an English cow boi twisting' ur tail."—By Showman in the "Herald."
Senator Soaper Says—: AN observer, long on the spot, thinks a Russo-Japanese war inevitable. I any event, we shall take no sides, or even the hypotenuse.
A society of magicians complains of conditions. Where once they picked up half-dollars from the air, dimes are now considered good.
A British scientist is studying the skull of an Englishman dating back 250,000 years, though they never have been introduced.
Not so long ago, a story that man would some day travel 345 mph. in a car would have had to be taken with a whole salt flat.
The zipper on the new style hot dog sounds as convenient as the demountable rim on the cinnamon roll.
A question comes up in musical circles: Who invented swing? Another arises, in law: Does the statute of limitations apply?
The American doughBoy must look, it seems, to the tidiness of his attire. The army speaks of adopting a slate-blue suit, in place of the gravy-coloured number.
Twenty-three members of a Cossack choir are maimed in a German bus crash. There must, though, be less drastic ways to stamp out that Volga Boat number.
Text read from the printed page and cleaned; old type leaves the occasional error.