Boss: "Look here, Teddy. I wish you would not whistle at work"
Teddy: "I'm not working, Y'm only whistling!"
No Favouritism You can't park your car here.
Country Girt: But this is a, cul-de-sac.
Policeman: T don't care if it's a Rolls Royce. You can't park it here!
Peculiar "Some people are funny," mused the man in the bar. "I know a man who hadn't kissed his wife for ten years. Then he goes and shoots a fellow who did."
Two Pints Tue teacher was giving the class a lesson on elementary geology, and he asked them, "Now, does anybody know what quartz. is?"
pints: "ike, sin" piped. out one. bright Jad, "Two Right Boy Gouren: "Now, 1 want a boy who can count, Are you good at arithmetic?"
"Yes, sin.
"Allright, what's three, six and five?" wePhat makes ten, sir."
"Come on! You'll dot"
Lucky Man Jones met a friend who was a victim of chronic indigestion, and whose conversation. invariably bore upon his unhappy inside, "Ah! my boy," he groaned, "the pain T suffer is really inconceivable. Tt doubles me up after very meal and I feel very ill all the time. You're a lucky man, you take it from mel"
"Not likely!" Jones' replied promptly, "You keep it"
Eights are Trumps Tue small Cockneys were having a lesson in arithmetic.
"For instance," said the teacher "it Tuto potato in halves 1 get two part T cut again, 1 get four parts."
The class was beginning to take Interest, "Now, if T cut again what shall T get?" asked the teacher.
'A hand shot up. "Well?" queried the teacher.
"Chips," was the answer, Die-agnosis 1 how was lying semi-conscious in fs he thiy morning?" inquired the "Ohi" said the nurse, "He keeps putting out hig right arm,"
"Ab! replied the doctor, "He's turning the corner!"
Pedigree man for a Job, excellent young man, He the son of Major Blank, grandson of General Blank, cousin of Sir Henry Blank, and nephew of Lord Blank; and he is otherwise well related."
The frm wrote back: "Thank you for your letter of recommendation concerning, Mr. Blank, But we must point out that this is a commercial firm—not a stud fams King Hitler's Englisch Broadcast Geman reports assert that Britain will be rushed and the Nazis will soon be in England. Hier will be crowned King, and' we have secured the text for his first' broadcast; here This ist de Londonsender from der BBC. Funkhavs. You are about to hear der King Emperor, Hiss Majesty King Adolf der First (rustling of papers and guttural coughs), Mein English it may not be quite B.B.C., but dat doesn't matter a pfennig tome, 1am Adolf der First, Und 1 don't care a jot, Of my accents der worst, Its King's English—so vot?
1 schpeak to you all, as der Fuehrer und King, Vot Joy und vot blessings to Britain T bring. Der Dachschund forgives All der crimes of der war, Und der Bulldog receives A good shake of der paw!
Ein Blitz Coronation in hand T have put, Mit sceptre und crown vot a figure I'l cut, Und mit Munich in mind, In case anything drops—There'll be Himmler behind Mit a few of his cops!
Und so down der Strand to der Bank 1 vill ride, Mit Goering, Got bless him, pressed close to my side, We vill pingh all der gold Und der' staff we vill shoot, Und return to der fold Mit der waggons of loot.
Mein Gauleiters, Churchill und Eden und Vil be purged if there's any more tall about war, Der great Treaty is signed, Una to end der distress Tam leaving behind, Little Goebells und Hess.
So all mein Dominions over der seas, Und England und Scotland, go down on your knees, Be content mit your lot, For der die it is cast, Dank de Fuehrer und Gott, You Are Nazis at Last.
Ve vill now sing Rule Germania, Germania rules de slaves, Den END OF DER BioApcasr.
Text read from the printed page and cleaned; old type leaves the occasional error.