'A Well-Known Writer Tells us How he Manages to Tolerate his Intolerable Wife universe needed Jight and her dogire ty have the a on day which should enhance its appropriateness, Making up is like that, One needs the prescience of a ervstal-1 o¥ the convictions of the Farm.
She won't like this a. bit, that huck thingn
mow, we have weathered many ink thut our experiences well be helpful First of all, you must realize that my wife is an intensely disagreeable woman, Otherwise you might not understand why I am confessing willingness to break her neck, and why T have found that a smart smart blow is often so much beter, so much simpler, so much more effective, than persuasion or argument, T can say frankly that you can't argue with that woman. For example, we were walking through Rhode Island on our honeymoon'and in that romantic setting I said, bink Coolidge ought to be elected." "You would, you big boob," was her laughing reply. Of course there was nothing for it but to throw her into a convenient ditch! Polities have been taboo in our family life ever since.
My wife is not actively bad looking, except for a squint; but her disposition is uncertain: its range is limited—from sullen to stormy. 'The day before we were married T fad her a little joke about a man who, striking his bride at the altar, explained, "That's for nothing—but Took out," and the significant look' with which T read this joke was not Tost.
From the first it was understood between us that I was the master. In the emotional upset of the weeks preceding our marriage I had, true, agreed to definite allowance and had even gone so far as to say that all hou: hold affairs should be wholly her! eoncern—and delight. But the ober reality of marriage—s different it is from the romances we spin!
Purse, String Control T soon found: that it was! mich more convenient to have inj, wile toa de, th mara "repeca ly ae wife jarmo together, there in the same predict come and ask me for whatever! money she needed, By this method T could punish her for the small de relictions from wifely duty committed by her the day before, or! reward her with an extra coin or! two thus winning that gratitude, without which no marriage, I am. convinced, can be a success!
And once, by getting her to sign 'a little document, I was able to transfer her own money to my account where it can be used wisely ud to the bert advantage.
Neither of us had been married before, but we had both closely observed our married friends at wife's little brother had been in my pay quite w long time, so that T knew most of her defects by heart.
She was flirtatious, lazy, and careless. I sot myself out to correct these faults instantly, as T knew {from observation that'any indulgence during the honeymoon sels a bad precedent for the rest of a lifetime. [think T may now use the past tense about these particular faults; what T have still to cure is hor tendency to invent new ones and to. think up fresh ways of being dis treeable to me. I put an end to her litting when I observed her chatting too amiably, as T thought, with aman over the telephone: she jelaimed that he had asked for somebody's address, but I disallowed this excuse and spent the afternoon calling on a fermer fiancee of mine, refusing to answer my wife's questions at dinner (at which several of her friends were present) and turning on the radio when Beatrice Fairfax was talking about wifely fidelity.
Matrimonial Adjustments Laziness I cured effectively by refusing to'answer the telephone: the first time, she also refused to Designed "The frst jumper ix of fawn sat shade. The it Tauhloned from thick white of ack crepe chine and eonbrotderies in greet my own interests and entertain ments, and practically no interference from my wife. How many men can say the same?
The first great surprise of my married life was when I that my wife's intellectual interests: were different from my own. As I had been in love'with her, I assumed that her interests must be the same as mine, and you can imagine my, surprise when, three days after our trip to the altar, she said, "The news dealer has forgotten to Leave! the morning paper." "Forgotten?" queried in my most querying. manner. "We don't get any paper: in the morning. We get one at. night. Who ever heard of reading. 'a paper in the morning? What do you want it for?"
But more than this I saw thi this difference of mental interest, said to myself, She has interests, of one sort; I'of another.
One of us is right." And I must say it is gratifying to see nowadays how cagerly my wife snatches for the evening paper as soon as I have finished with it. If there's anything I hate it's the practise some young couples have of dividing the paper into.wo sections. When " man drawn for the North-China Daily News in with ribbon trimmings of " deeper migette with bands ely ad hue to one of the shrewdest farmers in our county, I hardly mentioned it above a whisper; used to slink down side streets to avoid peculi ooking people; 1 ran from a beggar. In the social circle I was a zero; my personality was always at the ebb.
But my wife cured me, She not only encouraged me to assert myself—she made it imperative that L should. Aggressive and agreeable. herself, she exuded hostility, and my spirit, impressionable indeed at the time of courtship, gradually acquired her characteris. ties, with, I may say, a vengeance.
They tell_me now that I was something of a sap in my unmarried Jdays and that Iwas slated for discharge from the very office in which Tam now assistant manager.
opinions are now listened to with respect in the very circles where T was an object of contempt, and 1 stronger, better and wiser man. Tam going into polities soon ani may locomo a power. And all that. Tam 1 owe to the remarkably unpleasant woman whom I married seven weeks ago, little dreaming that the romantic folly of tha: terrible day would grow into somethin deep and rich and vital in my Almanac. If there were an "Old Probabilities" in mood-wavex and style storms, to say nothing of club typhoons and fashion cyclones, it would be a godsend. Suppose while one is casually introducing allusions to the tango that tirely new dance takes its place over night at the Majestic? Eternal vigilance is the price of timeliness, and what shall it profit a writer to find out a thing ike that after an early page" is already on the press?
Text read from the printed page and cleaned; old type leaves the occasional error.