A L-KNOWN British insurance company recently went to the trouble of collating some of the claims giving the reason why motor accidents happen. Many claimants put a surprising amount of responsibility on inanimate objects. Said one: "I was going round an S-bend in a thick fog. A fly got in my eye and I ran into an iron seat which had no right to be on the side of the road." Another remarked. "Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I haven't got." Other gems quoted are:-—"I ran into a shop window and sustained injuries to my wife," "I blew my horn, but it wouldn't work as it had been stolen." "My car was stolen and I set up a human cry, but it has not been recovered." "I ran into a man; he admitted it was his fault as had been knocked over before." "Cow I was afterwards informed half-witted." "The witness gave his occupation as a gentleman, but I would now be more correct in calling him a garage proprietor." And they wonder why 7,000 are killed on British roads each yea A Day on the River Row strongly away from boat-house with little Albert at the tiller.
Still rowing strongly, catch back of head a sharp crack on overhanging bough.
Catch back of little Albert sharp crack with boat-hook.
Resume rowing, Tell little Albert not to insult that swan.
Resist vigorous attempt by swan to board boat. Enter lock in nick of time.
Send little Albert ashore for a new oar. Discover that little Albert has lashed boat securely to lock, leaving boat suspended in mid-air as water recedes Release boat amid hearty laughter from rich people in launches, Pay lock-keeper for boat, Pay lock-keeper for valuable flowers picked by little Albert.
Remove very wet, stray dog that has followed little Albert back into boat.
Row out of lock. Tell little Albert you'll get on better if he doesn't steer.
Apologise to powerful river steamer for getting its bows in the small of your back.
Apologise to powerful angler for getting his fish hook in the fleshy part of your arm Observe little Albert removing wooden plug from bottom of best.
Laying aside oars and stemming inrush of water with foot, wrestle with little Albert for possession of wooden pli Stuff plug back into hole.
Stuff little Albert back under seat.
Ciserve oars floating rapidly down river.
Observe large sign that says "Beware of the Weir."
Remove outer clothing, dive in and strike out for bank Notice that little Albert has brought the boat safely ushore lower down.
Strike out for little Albert.
Formby in the "Sunday Express
Text read from the printed page and cleaned; old type leaves the occasional error.