Wire; "Have you heard about the women of -his village forming a secret society?"
Husband: "That's a good one. Why, women don't know how to keep a secret."
Wite: "Oh, but this society isn't going to keep secrets, it's going to tell them."
Poor Star Tue casting director of a new film telephoned an unemployed but famous film star at his lodge ings and offering him £150 a week to play the lead. "Not on your life," replied the star. I'll not look at it under £200 a week." "Come along to my office and let's talk it over," urged the flm director. "What!" replied the star. "and get locked out of my room!"
2 In Goal Tue goalkeeper at a football match had three times let the ball go through, after kicking wildly at it and missing.
After the match he said to the captain, "I do feel mad about those lost goals—I could kick myself!"
"You couldn't!" said the captain. "You'd missi" so mee Listener Mason Muggs, ex-Indian Army, was playing his usual eighteen holes before lunch, but was a long way below his usual standard, making many bad shots. His temper, never one of the vest, became very ruffled, and his anger increased when he noticed a labourer following aim from hole to hole. At last the major could stand it no longer. "What the—are you looking at?" he burst out. "Looking, sir?" replied the labourer, "I aint looking—I'm listening."
Congratulations A very bumptious young man decided to honour the British Army with his membership, whereupon his pals agreed that the occasion should be suitably marked.
An hour after he had enlisted he received telegram: "Thanks for your assistance. Gor His head swelled visibly.
Next day another wire arrived: "Congratulations. We are proud of you. Gamelin,"
Not until the third wire did he realize that his leg was being pulled. It read: "For Heaven's sake, keep out of this. Adolf."
Text read from the printed page and cleaned; old type leaves the occasional error.